


De Oppresso Libre

by sam_gamgee



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-25
Updated: 2005-09-25
Packaged: 2017-11-11 02:04:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/473241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sam_gamgee/pseuds/sam_gamgee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Graham finds his circumstances changed and a new opportunity before him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	De Oppresso Libre

**Author's Note:**

> Regulations 635 through 689 are the part of the military code that deal with homosexuality, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell", et al.
> 
> "De Oppresso Libre" is the Latin motto of the US Special Forces meaning "[to free from oppression]" or "[to liberate the oppressed]".

The party had been in full swing for a couple of hours and, frankly, Graham was bored. Aside from Riley, Sam, Ellis, and a couple of guys from the squad that were still with them, he didn't really know anybody. Sure, he vaguely remembered Buffy and her friends from the Initiative days, but that had been over five years ago and he had never been close to any of them. Throughout the evening, though, he found his eyes drawn to Xander Harris. He was probably the only one that Graham really remembered out of all of them. He had always seemed different somehow and Graham was drawn to that. The younger man had obviously matured over the past five years and it was evident in the way he carried himself, in the way he no longer appeared to be an overgrown puppy but had actually grown into his body, and in the way he acted around the other people in the room.

"Miller!"

Graham blinked. "Sir," he replied, he turned and focused his gaze on LTC Ellis, who was now standing next to him and looking across the room at Xander.

"Is there something interesting about that young man or are you suffering from some side effects from our training that you haven't told me about?"

Graham coughed and colored slightly. "Sorry, sir. I know him from when Finn and I were stationed in California. I was just thinking about how things have changed since then."

"I see. Isn't he friends with Finn's ex-girlfriend?"

"Yes, sir."

"We should've seen about getting her and her friends down for training while we were at Fort Bragg. That would have been an interesting experience to say the least."

"I'm sure it would have and especially for Killian."

Ellis laughed. "Especially for Killian. He has a good heart, but I don't know how an NCO as green as him got through Q course."

"Pure dumb luck and a bit of pity." Graham couldn't help but shake his head at the memory of Killian seeing his first pictures of demons. Even though the other men chosen to add to their ranks had done quite well, for Killian's sake Graham was almost glad that they hadn't used real demons on their training excursions and instead had opted for other soldiers made up like demons based on the information provided by Walsh and Project 314.

Ellis smiled before asking, "Are you sure you wouldn't like to use your leave to go back to Chicago - visit family or whatever - before we set up a more permanent camp?"

"There's nothing left in Chicago for me, sir."

Ellis simply nodded again as he looked at Riley and Sam. "Do you think Sam and Riley will survive?"

"I hope so, sir. Africa and Europe can be pretty far away. And the Peace Corps is a lot different than the Army. But you know I wish them both the best of luck."

"I agree. I’m glad Sam took that jump. She deserves that promotion." He clapped Graham on the shoulder. "Enjoy the rest of the party and I'll see you Monday morning. Just remember, we're not on dress review. You don't have to be so formal."

Graham nodded as he watched his superior walk away before turning his attention back to Xander. Seeing that Xander was looking at him, Graham colored slightly and gave him a small smile.

"Having a good time?" Xander asked after excusing himself from his small group and crossing over to Graham.

"Good enough, I suppose," Graham replied. And that was when he noticed for the first time that Xander was wearing an eye patch. Sure, he had noticed it earlier in the evening, but with the way Xander carried himself and the way everyone else acted around him, it had seemed so normal that Graham hadn't completely realized that he had it. He was curious what had caused it, since none of the others seemed to have any visible injuries.

"I'm sure this is nothing like what you were used to in Sunnydale."

Graham's lips quirked and he easily went with the line of conversation, glad that Xander didn't find people staring to be an issue. "Not at all. Quieter, for one."

"Not having to worry about cleanup in the morning for another," Xander added as he smiled.

"Very true." Graham took a pull of his beer. "So does this party have a purpose or...?"

"It's kind of a welcome home party for you guys as well as just a reason to party for us. Are you guys back in the country for good now?"

"I am and so's Ellis. The others are just on leave before they go back into the field. They'll be heading their own teams this time."

"And what will you be doing?"

"I'll be in charge - well, second-in-command of the project."

Xander nodded. "So I guess you'll be moving to D.C., then."

"No, actually. I'm not certain of the logistics, but somehow we're stationed here, with the hopes that we'll soon be a fully operational command post." He smiled warmly. "And I can see your eyes glazing over already."

Xander grinned. "No, it's actually cool. Unlike Riley, you actually know how to be concise. So what's your job title?"

Graham laughed. "It's long and complicated and basically means that I'm the everyman right now."

"Where are you staying?"

"I don't have anywhere for tonight. We finished our training early, so we can't move in to the Army housing until tomorrow at the earliest, and they're not even certain about that. I think I had planned to crash on the floor of the hotel room the guys have."

"You could stay at my place. At least that way you could have a lumpy couch."

"You sure? I don't want to impose."

"Definitely not a problem. It's just me and Andrew in the apartment, and there's a lot of nights when he's not there, so there's plenty of room."

"Do I know Andrew?"

"No, actually. He's over there." Xander pointed out the short blond. "We picked him up in Sunnydale - he was one of a trio of evil geeks. But he's actually pretty non-evil. He does a lot of advocacy and support work now - which is why he's out so much. The rest of the time, he's with his non-boyfriend."

Graham couldn't hide his confusion. "Non-boyfriend?"

Xander smiled. "They're not officially together and won't actually admit to anything, but they are."

Not sure how to respond, Graham simply nodded as he took another pull of his beer. Remembering something he had been wondering about, he asked, "What happened to Giles?" Graham had hardly known the older man, but his absence seemed notable.

"He's in London on some business."

"Oh, okay." Graham was surprised at how relieved he was to hear that. He guessed that the knowledge made it feel like there was at least some justice in the world.

About an hour or so later, Graham wasn't sure of the time, the party was winding down. He happened to catch eyes with Xander, who was talking with Andrew, and Xander beckoned him over. "Graham, Andrew. Andrew, Graham," Xander said by way of introduction.

"Hey," Graham said, shaking Andrew's hand. "I hope you don't mind me crashing at your place tonight."

"Not at all," Andrew said with a smile. "It's always a pleasure to help out a friend of Xander's. And feel free to use my bed. The sheets are clean as of this morning and I know I'm going to be out all night."

"Are you sure?" Graham was stunned that Andrew was willing to do this.

"Yeah, I am. After listening to some of the other guys, it sounds like you'd enjoy it."

Graham nodded. "I would. I'm very grateful."

"So then it's settled," Xander said. "If you want, we can go get your stuff now. You look like you're about ready to fall asleep where you stand."

"Yeah, that sounds really good," Graham replied.

"I'll see you at some point tomorrow, Xander," Andrew said. "And it was nice meeting you, Graham. Hope to see you again some time."

"You too," Graham replied.

After getting his bags from the trunk of the rental car, Graham followed Xander upstairs. The apartment that they entered was larger than he expected and modestly, but nicely, furnished. Xander gave him a quick tour, starting with Andrew's room so he could deposit his bags.

"As you can see, we do have a third bedroom, but it's in no shape to be usable," Xander said when they got to the end of the tour. "We started using it as storage when we first got here and it never really stopped. But this is our little home sweet home."

"Very nice," Graham replied. "I'm impressed. Usually a place like this would go for a lot more than what you said you're paying."

"Well, the building was haunted and the neighborhood was practically a demon free-for-all since the Hellmouth's a couple blocks over. So the rent was pretty cheap to begin with, let alone how grateful the landlord was when we dealt with the problems. Anyway, I'll grab some towels for you so you can get cleaned up if you want before getting some sleep." As Xander did that, Graham pulled his toiletries and a change of clothes out of his bag.

Once in the shower, Graham let the hot water roll over him for a few minutes. The last time he had had a decent shower without any time constraint was after the Suvolte situation down in Paraguay. He'd been injured in the fight and was sent to the hospital in Asuncion to get stitched up and heal while Sam and Riley had tracked the last demon. The wounds had been worse than expected – which meant missing the mission to Nepal. That was the first and last time he had taken any type of leave. Time off meant he had time to think and process things and he had quickly realized that he didn't like the places his mind wanted to go.

Feeling his tenuous grasp over his thoughts starting to slip, Graham quickly finished in the bathroom and headed into Andrew's room. After shutting the door behind himself and shoving his dirty clothes in his bag, Graham climbed in bed and switched off the light. Once he was settled under the covers, a small smile settled on Graham's lips. A real bed was the one thing he had truly missed. Setting his mind to organizing everything he would need to do to settle in to his new post, Graham quickly fell asleep.

The next morning, Graham awoke promptly at 7 am, his body still used to the training schedule. The clock by the bed told him that it was really 9 am at his current location. Still a bit disoriented and sleepy, Graham lurched out of bed and unsteadily made his way out into the apartment proper.

"Good morning," Xander said from the kitchen area, where he was making breakfast.

"Mmrmph," Graham replied as he rubbed his eyes with his finger tips and sank into a bar chair.

Setting a mug of coffee in front of him, Xander said, "Would you like something to eat?"

Graham nodded as he took a sip of the black coffee. "Please," he replied. Grimacing slightly, he asked, "Got any sugar?"

Xander paused in stirring the eggs and placed the sugar bowl in front of Graham. "Are you always like this in the morning, or is this just after drinking?"

"Drinking and being in a new place. I don't sleep good if the place isn't familiar."

Xander nodded. "I hope scrambled eggs are okay."

"Great. Do you have ketchup?"

"Yeah, in the fridge. While you're in there, could you get out the jelly?"

Looking in the fridge, Graham asked, "Grape or strawberry?"

"Whichever."

Xander set two plates on the counter full of bacon, eggs, and toast on the table as Graham finished finding the ketchup and both jellies. "There's a lot of food in there," Graham commented as he set the items on the table.

"Yeah. We have a tendency to over-cook. With the Slayers and Andrew's group, you never know who's going to show up when, so we've learned to have a lot on hand. There's juice and milk in the fridge, if you want either."

"Coffee's fine," Graham replied as he sat and Xander brought over the butter, utensils, and napkins.

They ate quietly for a while before Xander asked, "So, what're your plans for today?"

"Dunno. Get the lay of the land, I guess. Figure out how to get to the 'office'." Xander shook his head. "No?"

Xander swallowed his eggs. "Ellis told me that I had to make sure you didn't do anything military related this weekend unless it was laundry. And he said he expected a full report of your weekend on Monday."

Graham stared at Xander. "You've gotta be shitting me."

Xander shook his head as he took a bite of toast. "Said something about thinking of it as a preliminary recon, if you had to. But it sounded like the gist of it was that you don't turn into an old man before you're 35."

Graham just shook his head as he ate another bite of eggs. "I don't believe him." But there was a slight smile at the corner of his lips.

After they finished eating and had cleaned up, Xander said, "I have some laundry that needs doing. Want to come?"

"Sure. Might as well get it done."

"Okay, let me just grab the clothes."

Graham went into Andrew's room and stuffed a few errant pieces of clothing from his duffel into his laundry bag, before meeting Xander, who had two large, full bags, by the door.

"That's a lot of clothing," Graham commented as they left, Xander locking the door behind them.

"Well, some of it's mine, some's Andrew's and who knows whose the rest is. We worked it out that since I can't really cook, I do laundry."

"Sounds like a good deal."

"It is. Except I don't always know what belongs to who - which is why post-it notes come in handy. After I sort them, I'll write down the names of who I think they belong to and attach them to the clothing and then Andrew goes through everything later. How he remembers the amount of things he does, I have no idea. Must be a geek thing."

"Must be," Graham replied as they entered the laudromat down the street from the apartment. "I know a couple of guys like that in the Army and it's unbelievable what they know."

They did their laundry in relative silence, speaking only when necessary. But, instead of finding it tense and unbearable - like Graham sometimes found the silence with his squad members, this was comfortable.

After they had taken their clothing back to the apartment, Xander said, "Come on, let's go do something."

"Like what?" Graham asked.

Looking at his watch, Xander replied, "Well, we could go meet up with Andrew and some of the kids."

"As long as they're harmless, sure." Graham smiled. "I might be beginning to get the idea of this 'no work on the weekend' thing." He was beginning to think that maybe he didn't need to keep a death grip on his mind in order to keep himself in control as long as he kept his mind occupied and with Xander that seemed to hardly be a problem.

When they pulled up in front of a bowling alley, Graham simply said, "I don't think so."

"Why not?" Xander asked as he shut off the engine and looked at Graham, who was staring at the building.

"I'm not going in there."

Xander looked at him and repeated. "Why not?"

Graham didn't really have a good reason not to. Aside from the fact that Xander obviously knew at least some of Andrew's friends, so, therefore, there would be times when Graham would have a chance to think and his thoughts weren't a safe place to be right now. He futilely shrugged. "I'm not any good," he replied lamely.

"Neither are the rest of us, but that's why it's fun. We bowl a few games, have a good laugh, and just have fun. It's more about having fun than breaking any world records." Xander got out and leaned down against the door to look at Graham. "Come on. They won't bite." He paused. "That I know of."

Graham sighed and got out of the car. He followed Xander into the building. As the sound of balls thunking to the wood lanes and hitting pins engulfed him, Graham involuntarily stalled. He was pretty sure he wasn't having a panic attack, but he didn't know if he was capable of dealing with a situation as informal as this anymore. "Xander, I can't."

"Yes, you can," Xander replied, turning to look at him. "They're a great bunch and won't ask too many questions about your job, if that's what you're worried about." Xander smiled. "Come on, you have to rejoin the human race sooner or later."

"Xander, I -"

"Xander! Graham! Over here!"

They both looked to where Andrew was waving and coming over. "We've already started, but you can go tell the guys we're on lanes 14, 15, and 16 and get your shoes."

Helpless to do anything but follow Xander to the counter and hand over his shoes, Graham wondered how he had allowed himself to be dragged into this so easily. As they joined the group, Graham hoped that he would be able to get through the next couple of hours. As he sat down to put on his bowling shoes, Graham was aware of Xander greeting the rest of the group and sensed some of them eyeing him. Following Xander to where the balls were displayed, he surveyed the group. They seemed to be pretty young, none older than Xander, and most looking younger than Andrew. The youngest might have been about 14. Going back to the group, he found that he and Xander hand been added to a lane and Xander introduced him to the others as they waited for their turn to bowl.

Between turns, Graham quietly watched the group, trying to get a handle on the group interaction. It had been so long since he had been in a social setting outside of the Army that the concept seemed foreign to him. The ease with which they interacted and the closeness that they shared seemed almost palatable and Graham suspected that he was at least a little bit jealous. Since Sam had come into their lives, Graham hadn't had anyone he had been very close to during their off hours. Sure, he was close to Ellis, but considering that the other man was Graham's superior, there was still a barrier between them - no matter how thin it seemed at times.

After three games, interspersed with getting food from the snack bar, the group dispersed. Once Andrew finished speaking with the last person, he turned to Xander and Graham. "I hope you had fun," he said to Graham as they went outside to Xander's car.

"I did," Graham replied, surprised at how true the statement was. The group had easily accepted him in a way that was somewhat disconcerting, but it was also very nice to be allowed to join in without having to prove his merit first.

"Good. Then maybe the next time we do this, you'll join us?"

"I might." They got in the car and Xander started the engine. "And what kind of group is this? It doesn't exactly strike me as being the neighborhood bowling league."

"Well, it's not *the* neighborhood bowling league, but it's one of sorts. It's just a bunch of young people that I try to help by giving them a safe place to go where they can have some fun."

Still not completely understanding, Graham asked, "And what's the prerequisite to get in?"

"There isn't one," Andrew replied.

"But there is a common denominator," Xander supplied, seeming to sense Graham's confusion. "They're all gay kids who got thrown out of their homes when they came out."

"Sad, isn't it?" Andrew asked. "I've met them through the shelters I work with. Letting them know that someone cares is usually worth more than giving them a couple dollars for their next meal or a couple pieces of clothing. So, aside from what I do for them on a daily basis at the shelters, I take whoever's interested out a couple times a month for bowling or other activities."

Graham was both intrigued and unsettled by this information. "Does it work?" he asked as he watched the scenery pass by outside the window.

"You'd be surprised how well it does. Though, there's always the few who slip through."

"How'd you get into this?"

"That's a story for another day," Andrew replied as they pulled into a parking place at the apartment building.

The rest of the day was spent hanging around the apartment. Graham organized the few possessions he had while Andrew sorted the clothing and made some phone calls and Xander did some work on one of his projects. Afterwards, they watched a few movies and made a light dinner.

"Sorry we weren't more exciting today," Xander said as he made up the couch for Graham that night.

"Don't worry about it," Graham replied. "Actually, it was kind of nice not having to worry about saving the world for a day."

"I totally get that." Placing the last pillow on the couch, Xander turned to Graham and said, "Sleep well and, hopefully, tomorrow we'll show you that we're really not boring old men."

Graham smiled and sat down on the couch. "Good night."

Xander smiled in return and headed to his room, turning off some of the lights as he went, so that after he shut his door, Graham was bathed in a small pool of light coming from a lamp on the end table.

After turning off the light and climbing under the sheet and light blanket, Graham wondered if he would be able to open the lid on his personal Pandora's Box - not enough to let anything escape, but just enough to make sure everything was still there. He closed his eyes and took a deep, calming breath. He slowly let a tiny bit of his tight control slip from around his thoughts.

One thought came to him unbidden and he quickly slammed his mind shut. But the image of Riley, naked and completely unaware he was being watched, swimming in a pool they had found in Belize and then getting out and letting the spray of the waterfall flow over his beautiful form, stayed with him until he fell into a fitful and unsatisfying sleep. He should have known it was a bad idea.

"The way you look makes the idea of finally turning the third bedroom into a guest room look like a really good idea," Xander said the next morning as he handed Graham a mug of coffee.

"The couch was fine," Graham replied as he began to add sugar after taking a sip. "Just need more time to adjust, I guess."

"We're taking some of the kids to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame later. Want to come?"

"Sure, could be interesting."

Two hours later, the group of twelve kids, Andrew, Graham, and Xander climbed out of the van and headed to the museum. Graham and Xander followed as Andrew herded the kids into the building and paid for their tickets, also handing one to Xander and Graham. Graham went for his wallet to pay Andrew back, but the younger man waved him away, saying he could buy him dinner later. After giving the kids instructions to meet back near the entrance in a few hours, the group dispersed – leaving Graham and Xander standing by the ticket counter.

"Hope you're not upset you're stuck with me," Xander said.

"Not at all," Graham replied. "Have you been here before?"

"Once – right after we moved."

"Then maybe you should lead the way."

"Just because I've been here before, it doesn't mean I know the best places to go." Grabbing a map, the two studied it before deciding to hit the Jimi Hendrix exhibit first.

As they wandered around the exhibit, Graham spent almost as much time watching Xander as he did looking at the exhibit. He was still surprised at how mature Xander had become. And it was definitely attractive, if he could be allowed to be attracted. As they paused at one display, Graham idly wondered if Xander had a girlfriend and then quickly shut off that train of thought. But he couldn't help watching Xander as they continued on and began to feel frustrated that he wasn't able to trust himself with his own mind.

When the group reassembled at the appointed hour, the kids were happily chatting about what they had seen and how cool everything was. Deciding to go the route of least whining, it was decided that they would eat in the museum's cafeteria. As it was the middle of the afternoon, the cafeteria wasn't very crowded and they were able to pull enough tables together for everyone to sit together. Sitting in the middle of the group, Graham ended up being pulled into a conversation about the museum. As they talked, he smiled, simply enjoying the conversation. During the course of the meal, his fingers brushed against Xander's as they shared a basket of fries. The unexpected touches sent a tingle through Graham, who knew it had been too long since he had felt the touch of another in anything other than a professional capacity, but when he looked up at Xander, the other man didn't seem to notice, or have any reaction. He just simply smiled at Graham as he continued talking about the Les Paul exhibit with a kid named Kevin.

After dropping the kids off at their respective shelters that evening and returning the van, Andrew said, "You're welcome to my room again, Graham. I'm going over to Todd's to work on some things for the shelters."

"Thanks, man," Graham replied, suddenly surprised at how tired he was. Once they were back at the apartment, Graham took a shower and then lay down on the comfortable bed, not moving again until morning.

The next morning, Graham dragged himself out of bed when the alarm went off. He didn't know who had set it, or why, but was grateful. After washing up in the bathroom, he wandered into the kitchen to find a pot of coffee already brewed along with a note from Xander saying that he had already gone into work and where all the breakfast food was stored, along with a set of directions and a map. Graham quickly ate and packed some food for lunch before hitting the street to find his new place of work.

"Good morning, Miller," Ellis said when Graham entered the modest office, not looking up from some paperwork.

"Good morning, sir," Graham replied. "I'm sorry I'm late. It won't happen again."

Ellis looked up and folded his hands on top of his papers. "Knowing you, I'm sure it won't. But I think you did a wonderful job – as always." After a pause, he leaned back and said, "Well, put you things down and tell me about your weekend."

Graham quickly put his lunch sack down on one of the two empty desks before returning to stand stiffly in front of Ellis' desk and replied, "What would you like to know?"

"At ease, Miller. In fact, sit down. What'd you do on Friday night after the party?"

Graham did as he was told. "I slept, sir."

"And Saturday?"

"I did laundry, went bowling with Andrew, Xander, and some of their friends, and then watched some movies with the two of them."

"And yesterday?"

"I went to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and then slept."

"Did you have a good time?"

"Yes, sir."

"Are you sure you're okay, Miller?"

"Yes, sir. Why do you ask?"

"The fact that you've been so formal with me the past few days. We've known each other for years now and I would have hoped that you would know me well enough to know when you can speak freely."

"Still trying to settle in and I guess I just don't understand how this is relevant to the task at hand."

"Mental and emotional health are just as important as the physical health of a soldier for him to work at his peak, as I'm sure you know. Aside from the fact that we're already understaffed, you're the best man that I have, Graham. I can't afford to lose you."

"Thank you for the vote of confidence, sir. What's on the agenda for today?"

"Settling in. I'll brief you on our situation as soon as I finish these papers." After scanning over the last couple of pages, he signed in a couple of spots and set the papers aside. Folding his hands on top of the desk again, Ellis continued, "From how the paperwork looks, we are going to be officially known as the Extraterrestrial Command, or ETCOM, which, as the name implies, means our jurisdiction will be any case dealing with demons, aliens, etc. So far, it appears that we will be handling things the same way we have for the past five years, only now we will actually have the budget and, hopefully soon, the manpower to accomplish our objectives. But none of that's really new since we first heard the news."

Graham nodded. "And what time will Killian be in?"

"He'll be in later today, since he evidently had a snafu with his housing. And as easy as it will be, please try to not to be too hard on him."

"I'll do my best, sir."

"That's all I ask." Glancing at a stack of papers, Ellis said, "I have a number of administrative things that need to be done and we have a stack of proposals for different matters that need to be taken care of. Would you look them over and give me your recommendations for how to proceed later this afternoon?"

Graham gave a quick nod. "Yes, sir."

"Very good." Ellis handed him the stack and Graham went to his desk. "You do look much better, Miller," Ellis commented with a smile. "You should take a weekend off more often."

Graham smiled. "Thank you, sir."

That afternoon, Sgt Killian swept into the office as Graham was finishing up his recommendations. "Good afternoon, soldier," he said distractedly.

"Sgt. Killian reporting for duty, sir," the younger man replied, a hint of a Southern accent coming through, and saluted.

Graham half-heartedly returned the salute. "LTC Ellis will be back momentarily and he'll brief you on our situation. Your desk is over there," he pointed with his pen, "so feel free to get settled in."

"Thank you, sir."

As Graham went back to work, he watched Killian out of the corner of his eye. The other man was taller than him by a few inches, built like a beanpole, and his red hair was cut short. During their training in demonic warfare, Graham had learned that Killian was eager and gung-ho, if a bit impetuous. Numerous times he had received one of Ellis' half-demerits for not strictly following orders. While Graham knew that Ellis was a supporter of creative ideas and out-of-the-box thinking in the field when the situation called for it, he was a stickler for making sure his soldiers knew the "letter of the law" and were able to follow it perfectly before allowing them to follow the spirit of it. After Killian examined the contents of his desk drawers and what was on the top of his desk, he sat quietly. But as soon as the door opened and Ellis entered, Killian snapped to attention and saluted. Ellis dismissively returned the salute.

"At ease, Sergeant," Ellis said as he crossed to his desk and put the paperwork he was perusing down. "Welcome to the new ETCOM. Good to see you've arrived safely. Everything in order?"

Killian replied, "Yes, sir." Ellis nodded and brought him up to speed.

That evening, Graham heaved a sigh of relief as he entered Xander and Andrew's apartment.

"Long day?" Xander asked from where he was making something in the kitchen.

"Like you wouldn't believe," Graham replied. "I think I've had better days fighting demons. What are you making?"

"Pasta salad. Would you like some?"

"That would be great. Haven't eaten since noon and I'm famished."

As the pasta finished cooking, Graham helped Xander set the bar with plates and utensils and opened a soda before settling down to watch Xander cook.

"So what do you do?" Graham asked as he watched Xander prepare the food.

"I work at an architectural firm," Xander replied. "Mostly as an assistant, because the contractors are still unsure about my eye, even though they'll admit that I've more than proven myself in the past two years, but I do a little bit of everything – finish drawing up designs and specs, work with clients, things like that. Pretty much anything that's not onsite - although, I've also done that a couple times when necessary. I'm basically everyone's right-hand man there."

"What kind of things does the firm do?"

"Mostly industrial, though we have taken on some private clients as well." Xander finished and placed the bowl on the bar and sat down. "Sorry for the meal being so low maintenance. I wasn't expecting anyone else."

"It's fine. I'm a low maintenance kind of guy." He smiled as he helped himself after Xander took what he wanted. "This is good," he said, tasting it.

"Thanks. It's one of the few things I can make. I'm definitely one of the few gay guys who can't cook," Xander said nonchalantly as he speared another spiral and stuck it in his mouth. After swallowing, he said, "Talk about being in a minority."

Graham quickly swallowed and took a drink of soda before coughing. This was definitely news to him. Xander didn't exactly strike him as being gay. Granted, the only gays that Graham knew of were normally either quite flamboyant, or very, very guarded - depending on the situation. So far, Andrew, and now Xander, was the closest Graham had ever seen as being what he considered normal guys who happened to like other guys, even though Andrew seemed to have his outrageous moments. It was almost a completely foreign concept to him.

Xander gave him an odd look. "Are you all right?" he asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Graham coughed lightly. "Just wasn't expecting that."

"What? Me coming out? Or did you find a pasta bone?"

"The first one."

"Yeah, I've known for about a year and a half now and been out selectively for the past year."

"Selectively?"

Xander wiped his mouth with his napkin and nodded. "I don't tell everyone right away and some I don't tell at all. It depends on the situation and who it is – things like that."

Graham nodded. "So, do you have a boyfriend or non-boyfriend?"

Xander laughed. "No. Completely single. Haven't found a guy that I like enough that I'm interested in. It's a lot like straight dating, except most times it's much more shallow."

That night, Graham had a hard time falling asleep. It wasn't because the couch was suddenly uncomfortable - the make-shift bed was still as comfortable as previous nights, or that he had finally caught up on his sleep and was more aware that he was in new surroundings - he had already gotten over that after the first few nights and now it didn't bother him. It was more that he was starting to see the chinks in his armor and knew that the dam wouldn't be able to hold much longer.

The next week was relatively quiet as things started to fall into a routine and, thankfully, his self-imposed dam continued to hold - though Graham wasn't sure for how much longer. Things were going well at the "office" as Andrew and Xander had teasingly taken to calling Graham's job and Graham had begun using that term as well. It seemed like there were mountains of paperwork to fill out to get everything in order as they continued to set up, as well as requests for help from various parts of the world that had to be prioritized. Graham was beginning to wonder why he had agreed to be Ellis' second-in-command and if there was a way for him to get put back in the field. But the only real downside so far had been that the government-subsidized housing had fallen through and that they were on their own, though they would be reimbursed because of the gaff. In a way, Graham didn't really mind. After spending so much time with other people, he hadn't been looking forward to living alone and Xander and Andrew had casually taken the initiative, even before they knew of his circumstances, and asked him to live with them. He had easily accepted, considering that he was already settled in for the most part and coming home to them was definitely a bright spot in his day.

Things were much more easy-going with Xander and Andrew than he was used to, and they were much less jaded - considering the things they had seen and done - and it was refreshing. Over that weekend, the three of them cleared out the third bedroom and Graham moved the few things he had into it and got set up the way he wanted.

When he arrived in the office on Monday, Killian was the only other one in the office, but Graham could tell Ellis had been there. "Good morning," he said, as he put his lunch - a mystery meal made by Andrew that he hadn't bothered to examine - in the small fridge, thankful that Ellis had allowed them to dispense with all of the customary saluting.

"Good morning," Killian replied, looking up from his computer screen. "Is it normal to feel overwhelmed when looking at all the different species of demons?"

"Yeah," Graham replied as he sat down, "but you'll get the hang of it after a while."

"I certainly hope so."

"Believe me," Graham began organizing the papers on his desk, "in a couple weeks you'll know more about demons than you really want to."

"And I certainly hope not all of that will be in theory," Ellis replied, as he came in. "Good morning, Miller."

"Good morning, sir."

"Are your friends still doing their patrols?" he asked as he sat down behind his desk.

"I believe so, sir."

"You should see about taking Killian out some time. All the knowledge in the world isn't going to do him any good if he doesn't know how to use it."

"Yes, sir. Though, I highly doubt we'll come across a Kree-ax demon in downtown Cleveland."

Both men noticed Killian's surprise at Graham's ease and ability in rebutting Ellis and smiled as Ellis said, "Maybe so. But Cleveland has enough other things to keep him occupied."

"If I may ask, sir," Killian spoke up, "what exactly is it that you're expecting of me?"

"Miller knows some civilians here," Ellis turned his attention to Killian, "who happen to know about the supernatural and they've taken it upon themselves to fight. They're quite organized, well-informed, and well-equipped. I think it would be a good idea for you to get some real field experience with them."

Graham spent the first part of the day following up with the teams that they had out in the field for progress reports and to see what they needed. The afternoon was spent working with some of their bosses to try to get the things they needed to run their command. As they were packing up to go home, Ellis told them that since it was just the three of them, he was dispensing with the formal dress code for the office and that they could simply wear dress casual to work. And while it was a nice change for Graham, he knew he was going to have to do something he actually dreaded. Go shopping.

When he entered the apartment, Xander asked, "Want to go out with us tonight?"

"Where?" Graham replied.

"The mall. Some of the girls have been complaining that all of their good clothes are getting ruined when they patrol and some of the guys aren't much better, but it should be fun."

"Sounds good. I need to get some things as well."

Xander smiled almost wickedly. "Just don't let Andrew know."

"Don't let me know what?" Andrew asked coming in.

"Nothing," Xander replied, his expression blanking. "Everyone ready?"

"Yeah. Are you two coming?"

When they got to the mall a half-hour later, Andrew looked at his watch and said, "Okay, nine o'clock at the fountain. We don't want to leave anyone behind." The group nodded and dispersed, Slayers and shelter kids mixing and grouping off and Todd and Andrew also went their own way.

"Do your worst," Graham said to Xander.

"Relax," Xander said with a smile. "I'm the safe one." Leading the way, he said, "Come on. I promise it'll be relatively painless."

Xander pulled Graham in and out of a number of different clothing stores, usually rummaging through the sale racks, though sometimes looking at the full-priced items as well. Graham was amazed at Xander's eye for clothing and how he was able to find things that Graham actually liked. There were even a few items that he personally would have never chosen, but once Xander thrust them into his hands and pushed him into a dressing room, he had to admit looked good on him. He also found himself enjoying the easy camaraderie that had developed between himself and Xander. As they shopped, Xander kept up most of the conversation, filling Graham in on the different dynamics in the group, as well as major events since he had left California.

On the way back to the meeting spot, Graham treated Xander to a coffee. "Thanks for helping me out," he said as he grabbed his large bag and carry-out coffee cup. "You're definitely better at this than I am."

"You're just out of practice," Xander replied. "But I think you should thank Andrew for this. He's the one that drilled it into me after watching 'Queer Eye' one too many times."

"'Queer Eye'?"

With an amused smile, Xander replied, "You'll find out soon enough."

A few of the kids were already waiting when they arrived at the fountain. And, since they already knew what everyone else had bought, some of the girls had Xander and Graham show them a few of Graham's purchases. Graham couldn't help but smile and blush as they did so, the girls fawning over him as Xander held up a few shirts, feeling a little unsure at the ease with which they accepted him. Sure, loyalty and friendship in the Army weren't hard to find, but it definitely wasn't this easy either.

"Are you okay?" Xander asked Graham as they made their way home after dropping the last kids off.

"Yeah, why?" Graham replied.

"You just seem a little..."

"Overwhelmed?"

Xander nodded and smiled.

"It's just different than what I'm used to. I just need some time to adjust."

Over the course of the week, Graham found himself relaxing more than he had in a long time. Xander happily played tour guide in the evenings, showing off the new, and definitely more urban, site of Slayer Central. Some of the new Slayers came along as well, wanting to get to know the newest addition to their group. It took a little while for Graham to grasp what had happened after he had left Sunnydale, but given everything that he had been through and seen, as well as what he knew from his tactical training, he had to admit that their plan to take out the First was a great idea. He also went on a few patrols with them to get a feel for it, though it felt odd going out simply in street clothes and armed with only a few stakes and maybe some other weapons when he was so used to having an array of gadgets and guns. But he had to admit that he did enjoy the patrols - both for the simplicity and the camaraderie. He was beginning to think that he would actually like it in Cleveland.

"You look well rested," Killian said when Graham entered the office the third Monday morning in June and Graham heard the inference of what exactly Killian meant by "well rested".

"Yeah, well, slaying demons right before bedtime will do that for you," Graham replied as he put his things away, inferring that he meant exactly what he had said. He was beginning to wonder if the junior officer ever left the office, considering he was there every morning when Graham arrived and still there when Graham left in the evenings. Of course, Ellis usually shooed Graham out at 5 pm sharp, but Graham also knew for a fact that Ellis left not long after that.

"I don't believe you," Killian replied in a mock surprised voice, putting down his pen and looking directly at Graham. "I refuse to believe that you don't have a beautiful lady friend with whom you are intimate."

"Believe what you want," Graham replied distractedly as he began his work. "But that's God's honest truth."

"Come on, boys," Ellis said as he entered the office. "We're going on a field trip." Graham closed the folder he was looking at and stood.

"I don't mean to be disrespectful, sir," Killian said, "but we need to get some things done if we want to -"

"I wasn't aware," Ellis said, cutting him off, "that I had given you an option. Come on."

They walked a few blocks before Ellis stopped them across the street from an abandoned building. "What do you see?" he asked. Looking around, Graham spotted a few noteworthy things and was about to answer when Ellis said, "Killian?"

"Looks like an abandoned building to me, sir," Killian replied, fidgeting a bit.

"Miller?" Ellis asked.

"Like Sgt Killian obviously stated," Graham responded, "it's an abandoned building. Appears to have been vacated by humans a while ago - at least six months. Since then, it's been a demon tenement, most recently - about three weeks would be my guess - for a nest of vampires - by the looks of it, small - probably only 4-6, family group. They've also been bringing their prey back here to feed."

"Good. Recommended course of action, Killian?"

"Get some weapons and wipe them out while they're sleeping," Killian responded, sounding a little too eager for blood for Graham's taste. Had his time in the field really jaded him that much?

"Miller?"

"If we're going to do it," Graham replied, "I'd suggest staking it out to make note of their routine, to see if they have anyone on watch and if they're keeping hostages. Otherwise, I'd say to let the Slayer know and let her take care of it."

Ellis nodded. "They've been terrorizing the local community for about three weeks. They'll take people out in the open, bring them back here to feed on them for a few days, and then release them, battered, to fend for themselves." Turning and walking away, he said, "Let the Slayer know about it."

"Okay," Graham replied as he fell in with Ellis.

"What?" Killian asked, sounding almost incensed, as he followed them. "But there must be some sort of protocol to follow regarding this type of situation."

Ellis abruptly turned to him. "Son," he replied levelly and Graham knew that Killian was in for it, "we are *writing* the protocol here. While we may have men from all areas, we are not the Marines. We are not the SEALs. We are not the Green Berets. We are not the Rangers. We are a division unto ourselves. In QT, did you actually go up against a nest of vampires?"

Killian shook his head, not responding verbally.

"Then *please* don't tell me about following protocol." Turning and resuming his walking, he said, "Miller, see if they'll take the grunt with them."

Graham nodded. As they went back to the office, Graham could see why Killian had been assigned to them. He was brash, gung-ho, at least a little blood-thirsty, and even though he knew the book backwards and forwards, he seemed comfortable enough with regular Army protocol that he didn't pay it much heed. Working with Ellis in this sort of situation would be an ideal way to wear off his rough edges and help settle him, since Ellis made sure his men could follow the "letter of the law" backwards and forwards while they were slogging knee-deep in mud, with rain pouring down and not having slept in almost a week before letting them get creative. And Graham had the feeling that they weren't exactly highly regarded by the other branches yet, so why not send them the misfits?

Graham let Buffy know about the nest that night and she agreed to let him and Killian go along with Xander's patrol group to take it out, since it was in their area. Graham didn't mind since he was practically a member of the group anyway and enjoyed being with the people in it. He called Killian after talking with Buffy and told him to meet them at Xander and Andrew's apartment just before sundown.

When Killian showed up, the rest of the group started laughing and Graham had to try hard to stifle a chuckle himself. Killian was decked out in full combat attire and carrying a duffel bag and looking surprised to see the motley crew that was assembled in the apartment. Before making any introductions, Graham asked, "Killian, did you bring a change of clothes?"

"Yes, sir," Killian replied.

"Go change."

"Bu-"

"Bathroom's over there - the door on the left," he said in a tone that brooked no argument as he pointed to the alcove that led to Andrew's room. Killian snapped his mouth shut and disappeared into the bathroom.

"Well, that was unexpected," Xander said with a laugh. "I guess no one told him about the dress code."

Graham just shook his head with a smile. "I didn't think I needed to - we're in a civilian area. But I guess I should remember not everyone's been drilled by Prof. Walsh or you guys." Killian came out of the bathroom looking very uncomfortable and wearing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and most of the camouflage streaks were gone from beneath his eyes. "It's not that bad, Killian. Everyone, this is Sgt. Mordecai Killian, the fresh blood in my department. Killian, this is everybody." As he made the individual introductions, Graham could see Killian making mental notes as to who was who.

As they left to start the patrol, Graham heard Betty, a cute little Slayer, ask Killian, "So, do you have any nicknames?"

"Cai," he replied a little warily. She smiled and the initiation had begun and Graham couldn't help but smile.

Graham had told the group about the nest while they had been waiting for Killian and they had decided to head there first. When they got to the building, the group fanned out on the defensive, ready to go at Xander's signal. Xander and Graham carefully entered the building and scouted out the entryway. Once satisfied that it was clear, they motioned for the others to join them. As they searched the building, Graham noticed Killian fidgeting slightly and he whispered for him to calm down. Killian nodded and took a deep breath as he happened to trip over something. There was a flurry of activity and before they knew it, the fight was over and Graham was hauling Killian up off the floor.

"There's ash in my mouth," the younger soldier said, making a face and brushing himself off.

"You'll get used to it," Graham replied as the group moved to see if there were any hostages.

Surveying the room, Killian asked, confusion etched on his face, "Uh, where are the bodies?"

"What bodies?" Graham asked, knowing what Killian was asking, but wanting to string him along.

"The vampires."

"Turn to dust when they're staked."

"So that means -" Killian's face wrinkled in disgust. "Ewww."

Graham patted him on the shoulder as he moved past. "Keep your mouth shut next time."

They found two young women huddled in a back room who appeared to be fine aside from being frightened and, after releasing them and reassuring them that everything was fine, the group continued on their patrol. The rest of the night was quiet and they were done quickly. The group broke up in front of the apartment building, calling their good-nights to each other. Killian retrieved his bag from the apartment and made a hasty exit.

Graham happened to arrive at the office before Killian the next morning and gave Ellis a quick briefing of what had transpired the night before. Ellis chuckled as Killian came in.

"How did things go last night?" Ellis asked him.

"Fine," Killian replied crisply as he set his things down. "The vampires were dealt with, the hostages released, and the rest of the patrol was quiet." He looked up at them. "Why? Did I miss something?"

"No," Ellis replied, shaking his head and smiling as he returned to his paperwork. "Just be more careful next time."

 

A few days later, Xander invited Graham to come along to a self-defense class he was teaching at one of the shelters for some of the homeless kids.

"The new Slayers have Buffy and Faith and the other girls from Sunnydale to help them, but these kids don't have anyone to teach them," Xander said as they walked the couple of blocks. "I know it would've helped me out a lot if I had known how to defend myself and I grew up in Sunnydale." He shook his head. "I can't imagine growing up here. It also doubles as a mentoring program."

"I think it's a really good idea," Graham replied. "I'm sure I would've benefited from something like that when I grew up in Chicago."

"If you're from Chicago, why didn't you go back for leave or whatever when you got back?"

Graham half-heartedly shrugged. "There's nothing left there for me now."

"At least it's not a hole in the ground."

Graham chuckled. "True."

When they got to the shelter, Xander corralled the kids said, "Guys, this is Graham. He's a friend of mine and some of you have already met him, so be good, okay?" There was a chorus of "okay"s and "hi"s as Xander had them push back the furniture and settle on the rugs in the common room and Graham sat on one of the chairs in the back to watch. "Okay, anybody remember what I said we were going to talk about this week?"

One kid, who looked about 15, raised his hand and said, "Blind spots?"

"Good, Kevin." Xander smiled. "Now, obviously, anything out of our range of sight is a visual blind spot. Which, for most people, is anything behind them. Well, unless you're lucky enough to be a Naraz demon which has eyes in the back of its head as well as the front. Or, on the flipside, you know - me, who's blind spot wraps around to about here." He put his left hand out to a 45-degree angle from the front of his face. "Which normally sucks, but at least now I never have to worry about what I'm going to do for Halloween." The kids giggled and Graham had to smile, surprisingly glad to see that Xander was able to make light of his handicap. "Since we obviously don't want to ignore our blind spots, considering how important they are, what can we do to protect ourselves from being attacked in those areas? Carrie?"

"Listen?" the petite girl asked.

"Good. Anything else? Danny?"

"Be more aware?" the boy replied.

Xander nodded. "Also good." After chatting for awhile longer with the kids about blind spots and how to not let them be a disadvantage, Xander asked, "And here's the boring 'moral of the story' part - how does this relate to our lives?"

Kevin raised his hand again. "We shouldn't ignore things because they might bite us in the ass later?"

Xander smiled. "Not exactly how I'd put it, but that's one way of saying it. But you should also remember to exercise judgment in all of your decisions because, while the decision may seem inconsequential at the time, the consequences could literally come back to 'bite you in the ass'. Okay, I want you all to get with your partner and work on some of the moves I've taught you and work on your physical blind spots too." As they practiced, Xander moved to the back of the room and kept a watchful eye on them as he spoke with Graham. "What do you think?" he asked.

"Interesting bunch," Graham replied. "They seem like a good group, though."

"They are. They've come a long way."

 

As June came to a close, Graham was surprised to find how different his life had become since resettling State-side. Over the course of the month, he had become slightly less guarded, more social, actually didn't fear casual social interactions as much as he used to and found himself becoming more comfortable in his own skin. Graham wasn't sure of the particulars but having people that he could simply *be* with was a relief beyond what he could put into words. And while his superior never said anything, Graham could tell that Ellis had noticed the change and was pleased. This, in turn, made Graham happy as well, considering that their relationship tended to be more like father and son - even if they were relatively close in age - than anything else, and he wanted Ellis to be proud of him.

His thoughts, on the other hand, were still a quagmire that he didn't desire to mess with. He continually tried to push them aside, but without the constant adrenaline, worry, anxiety, etc that went along with being on a mission, they wouldn't be ignored. So he finally gave in and began to slowly examine them one by one and...not necessarily *deal* with them, but at least becoming acquainted with them. He knew he was in a precarious position with the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Pursue" policy, but he also knew Ellis didn't care what he did on his own time as long as he was discreet. The celibacy route was a tried and true way that had worked while he was out in the field and while he was getting set up in Cleveland, except he knew that he wasn't going to want to continue with it for forever. Then what? Find someone and settle down? Become part of the stereotype that gay men were constantly "on the prowl"? He knew the second option wasn't very appealing, however he wasn't sure the first wasn't exactly what he wanted yet either. Either way, no matter how he thought about it, while he knew he was attracted to men in every sense possible, he wasn't too certain about the whole sex aspect. The fact that he honestly didn't know what he wanted to do always left him more frustrated by the time he gave up than when he had started.

 

On the Fourth of July, the group had a cook-out in the backyard of the house that Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Faith, and Robin shared. Graham was mildly surprised at how many of the faces he recognized from patrolling and doing different things with Xander and Andrew, even if he didn't remember all of their names. Ellis and Killian even showed up for a while and they both seemed to have a good time.

As they were walking back to their car from the park where they watched the fireworks, Xander asked, "So would this be one of the holidays where we find out we're supposed to get you a card and then spaz out because we didn't know and give it to you tomorrow?"

Graham laughed. "I don't think they make cards for the Fourth of July. Veteran's Day or Memorial Day, maybe. I'm not a real vet since I haven't fought in any wars. I was in the middle of training, so I didn't get deployed for Desert Storm and, as bad as it may sound, I'm glad I wasn't sent over for Enduring Freedom." He smiled. "But thanks for the sentiment."

"But what about all the demon stuff?"

"I'd hardly think anyone would call that a war, Xander."

"Well, if they didn't, why'd the Army make a new division for it?"

"Hell if I know." Graham grinned. He definitely liked living in Cleveland.

The next day, Killian said, "That was a great party yesterday. Thanks for inviting me."

"You're welcome," Graham replied absently, as he filled out the next in what seemed to be an endless stack of forms. "They're a good bunch."

"What's the redhead's name?"

"Willow?"

"Yeah. She's quite a looker and I bet she's a real spitfire. I wonder what she'd -"

"Soldier." Looking up, Graham cut him off with a curt tone, "you'd do well to remember that you're talking about a friend of mine who is well-versed in magic and who, I'm sure, could flay you alive with the bat of an eye." Graham didn't know if the last bit was true or not, but he felt a bit protective of the "original" Sunnydale group, considering that they had some shared memories. Plus, Xander and Andrew had both alluded that Willow had had a hard time a few months prior to Graham's arrival and Graham didn't want to know he had added to any of that.

"Okay, okay," Killian replied, looking surprised. "I was just trying to see what I'd have to do to ask her out on a date."

Graham shrugged, demeanor softening. "Give her a call. But beware - her last two relationships didn't end well from what I've heard. I'd hate to have to try to explain to Ellis why your desk is empty. So woo her carefully if you have such a desire." Killian nodded and Graham, satisfied that the younger officer would watch his step, went back to his forms.

 

The summer continued on more pleasurably than Graham had expected. The never-ending paperwork finally seemed to abate aside from the occasional form or request from time to time and they were finally able to begin gathering data and prioritizing missions. Graham also spent a lot of time with Xander, Andrew and the rest of the group. He trained with the original Sunnydale group, as well as the new Slayers, to hone his hand-to-hand skills so they wouldn't get rusty because he knew that being in an urban setting would differ from the jungles that he had become accustomed to, and also to teach them some of the skills that he knew that would help. He also went through an orientation to help Xander and Andrew with the homeless kids, such as showing them different ways to use their bodies to defend against a bigger opponent during their defense classes or chaperoning them around the city, but he also began to slowly move towards mentoring them as well.

They also began to make a habit of taking day trips to the "beach", though Graham was reluctant to call the strip of sand on Lake Erie a beach after seeing the ocean, but no matter what it was called, the outings were still very enjoyable.

For their second day trip, Graham was awakened early two Saturdays after the Fourth of July by a group of kids needing help to load the vans with their beach gear.

"Why'd you send them to me?" he croaked as he wandered out of his bedroom and towards the bathroom.

"Because you're more experienced with loading a large vehicle with equipment," Xander replied, handing him a steaming mug of coffee. "It already has sugar in it."

"Thanks," Graham replied and took a sip as he continued on his way.

A relatively short time later, everything was in order and packed away and they were headed to the Mentor Headlands Beach, where they were lucky enough to get there before most of the crowd and had practically their pick of the beach. After their "camp" was set up and Andrew made sure all the kids had put on sunscreen, they all went into the water. Graham enjoyed the cool water and the gentle horseplay that the others were engaged in and continually drew him into. At noon, they got out when Andrew spotted Buffy, Willow, Faith, and Robin at their blankets unpacking two large picnic baskets.

As they ate, Willow sat down next to Graham and asked, "Having fun?"

"Yeah, I am," he replied with a smile. "Not that I'd call this a real beach."

"I know," she surveyed the beach, "after seeing the Pacific, it's not that grand, but the kids love it." She took a sip of her soda. "And it's still as good on a hot summer day."

"That it is," he agreed.

As he took another bite of his sandwich, Willow commented seriously, "You seem happier now than you did back in June. Did something happen that made you decide not to go back out with Riley and Sam?"

Graham half-shrugged. "Not really. A lot of stuff was going on then and when Ellis offered me this job, I didn't really think about it and just said yes. It helped me get a lot of things in perspective, though - which I needed." She took a chip from the pile they were sharing. "How are you? I heard you went through a rough patch a few months back."

"Most days it's better," she replied with a small smile before taking another swig of soda. "Bad break-up," she confided afterwards. "We got together before we left Sunnydale and she came out here with us. After we'd been here about a year and a half, I found out that she had been cheating on me pretty consistently. And after what had happened with Oz and Tara, I took it hard."

Xander came up to them and asked, "Frisbee, anyone?"

"Go on," Willow said to Graham with a smile as she bumped his shoulder with hers. "We both know you want to. And there's been enough of me being a gloomy girl today."

Graham finished off his sandwich and joined Xander, Andrew, Robin, and a bunch of the kids in a game of Frisbee Football, or Ultimate Frisbee, or something along those lines that Graham wasn't sure of the name of. He was put opposite Xander, supposedly to keep things even, but Graham wasn't exactly sure how, since he had hardly ever played football, much less a game like it that involved a Frisbee. Regardless, they had a good time and Graham's team won by a point - due to the rest of the team's prowess than due to any skill on Graham's part. As he headed back to the blankets for a drink, his mind also stored away the new images to his mental collection of the times that he and Xander had both ended up in a heap in the sand.

That night, the group left the beach when it closed, exhausted but in good spirits. As they cleaned things up when they got back to the apartment and let some of the kids take showers, Graham was vaguely aware that something had started to happen between Xander and himself, but he couldn't put a finger on it. They had easily become close since Graham had arrived in Cleveland, but it was different from the relationship either of them had with Andrew, Ellis, or Riley - which could also be considered close. There were numerous times when the two of them would lock gazes and Xander would smile and Graham had come to realize it was a slightly different smile from the ones Xander gave everyone else. And as much as he wanted to resist, and knowing that he should for a variety of reasons, Graham couldn't help but be slowly won over.

When Graham returned from getting a soda one Friday afternoon, Killian handed him a piece of paper and said, "Before he left for the day, LTC Ellis gave me these coordinates and told me that we were to meet him there at 1800 hours sharp."

Graham nodded and said, "I'll get right on it," as he studied the paper on the way to his desk. Putting the paper and soda down, he pulled a city map out of a drawer. About twenty minutes and a few clicks on the computer later, Graham had the location and directions. Glancing at his watch and seeing that they didn't have very long, he said, "I'll be ready in a few."

"Okay," Killian replied, organizing his things for the weekend.

After locking up, they followed the directions a few blocks to a bar. Once inside, Ellis hailed them from a back booth. A waitress appeared as soon as they sat down and took their drink orders and Graham couldn't help but notice how Killian's eyes followed her as she left the table.

"I see you two made it here all right," Ellis said before taking a pull on his beer. They nodded as the waitress brought their beers over and he continued, "We all know that for a group to be able to work together well, there has to be trust between the members, and the best way for there to be trust, is for the members to know each other. So, therefore, for the time being, I am making it mandatory that Friday nights after work, we go out for dinner and a few beers. Now, obviously, things will come up where one of us will have to bow out one week - and that's fine, but it's not going to become a habit."

"Are we allowed to talk about work, sir?" Killian asked.

"Peripherally, yes, but I don't want it to be our focus. And, we're off the clock - you may call me Michael, if you wish. Ellis is fine too."

"Okay, Michael." Graham couldn't help but smile as Killian tried out saying Ellis' first name. "What are you smiling about?" he asked Graham, sounding a bit defensive.

"Nothing, Mordecai," Graham replied, not trying to hide his grin as he put a slight emphasis on the other man's name.

"Oh, please." Killian collapsed against the back of his seat. "That's my father. Everyone else calls me 'Cai' - unless I'm in trouble."

The waitress came up and asked, "Can I get you gentlemen anything to eat?"

After they all ordered hamburgers, Ellis asked, "So, Cai, are your parents still in the picture? Do you have any siblings?"

"Yeah, they are. My dad's a retired Apache pilot. He was a Warrant Officer Class 5. My mom was a stay-at-home Army wife. I have two brothers and one sister." He took a pull of his beer. "What about you, Graham?"

"Only child, just me and my dad," Graham replied. Looking at his beer bottle, he said, "He's not Army, though. He worked in a factory."

Killian nodded. "Sometimes I wish my dad wasn't Army. That way I'd have a way out from the long and time-honored family tradition."

Graham quietly countered, "The Army was my only way out."

The waitress appeared then with their food and Ellis sensibly moved the conversation onto other, more general, topics. When they parted ways later that night, Graham was happy that he had had a chance to spend time with them, though he was a little uneasy about Killian. Though the younger man hadn't said anything specific, or even in any terms other than vague comments, Graham thought he detected an undercurrent of homophobia and that made him a little uneasy.

"Where are we going today?" Graham asked the next morning when he saw Carrie and Kevin waiting outside the apartment as he shifted his laundry bag and stepped onto the landing. He had become used to the idea that the chances of his Saturdays being taken up with Andrew's activities were pretty high, so he had learned to get up early and go to the 24 hour laundromat if he wanted clean clothes that day.

"Zoo," Kevin replied as they followed Graham into the apartment.

"Breakfast is ready," Andrew said when he saw them. "The others should be here soon."

The rest of the regular group filtered in and ate. Once they had all had their fill and things were cleaned up, they headed out. Willow and Buffy met them at the main entrance to the zoo with the tickets. Carrie and Kevin hung out with Graham and Xander when the group split up.

"I'm really excited," Carrie said as they studied a map. After they had decided on their first destination and started on their way, she continued, "There's been some new additions recently - including some new babies."

As the day passed, Graham enjoyed himself immensely. It had been a long time since he had been to a zoo and seeing the animals brought back a lot of good memories. He also got to know Carrie and Kevin better and found that he enjoyed their company. They were bright, charming teens and it saddened him that their parents had been so upset over one small difference in their children that they had forced them out of their homes and lives. Not that his father knew about him, but Graham was still convinced that it was probably better that way. He also enjoyed spending time with Xander and learning a little more about him as well.

Once he was ensconced in his room that night, Graham's mind turned to an all-too-familiar topic. If he hadn't been before, he was now definitely convinced that he wasn't cut out for cruising. As he went over the day's events, as well as events in the recent past (well, since the beginning of June), he came to realize that he liked the domesticity he had found with Xander and Andrew - and especially Xander. It felt like Xander contained the pieces that Graham didn't know were missing and he was finding that he really wanted to try it out. But he wasn't sure if he should tell him of his attraction or if he should just keep it under wraps because Xander had shown no signs of reciprocating. Besides, even though he wasn't out in the field, he still had to be careful, lest any of this came up at work. And while he knew that Ellis wouldn't do anything, Killian seemed to be something of a loose cannon that Graham still wasn't completely sure he could trust. Why did love and attraction and all the things that were mixed up with them have to be so hard? 

Later that week, when Ellis had stepped out of the office, Killian went over to Graham's desk and, after a glance at the door, hissed, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?" Graham asked, surprised at how Killian was acting.

"That she's a dyke."

Graham was surprised. "Who? Willow?"

"*Yes*, Willow. I went over to her house Sunday night to ask her out and she told me that since she thought I was nice and didn't want to lead me on, so she just told me."

"I honestly didn't know, Killian. All I've heard is that she's had some bad breakups recently and I'm not going to pry."

"Is anyone else –" Killian stopped short when the door opened and Graham gave him a bewildered shrug.

A couple of weeks later, when they were enjoying another day at the beach, Xander sank down on the blanket next to Graham. "You're looking pretty golden," he commented. "I hope you don't mind me saying, but for someone who spent a lot of time in Central and South America, you were looking a little pasty when you showed up here."

Graham laughed. "Had to layer up - too many mosquitoes and weird plants and monsters." He nodded to where some of the kids were in the water. "I'm surprised you're not in the water."

Xander smiled. "I was feeling a bit waterlogged. Why aren't you in? You haven't been in a while."

Graham returned the smile. "I've been enjoying myself people watching. It's not very often I get to do that."

"Do you need some more suntan lotion? Don't want to spoil that nice tan with some pink."

"Might not be a bad idea." Graham fished a tube out of a nearby bag and started to apply it to his arms. "Would you mind doing my back?" he asked as he held out the lotion.

"Not a problem." Xander took the lotion and began applying it expertly to Graham's back. Graham couldn't help but admit that it felt good and a tingle went down his spine. "You okay?" Xander asked, pausing for a second.

"Yeah, the lotion's just a bit cool." Holding his hand out, he said, "I need a bit more." Taking the lotion, he began rubbing some on his legs and tried not to think too much about Xander's hands on his back.

Graham spent the rest of the day discretely watching Xander as much as possible. Carrie called him on it a few times and he did the best he could to deny it, but she just laughed, though Graham knew that she had little room to talk - he had seen her doing the same thing with Lauren. He did join in throwing the Frisbee around with Xander and Robin - who, along with Faith, had decided to join them for once instead of doing their own couple-y things. And he also went in the water a few times before the day was done.

As the sun was starting its descent in earnest, Graham and Kevin were playing paddleball down by the water. "So, what's up with you and Xander?" Kevin asked off-handedly as he lobbed the ball back.

"Nothing, why?" Graham asked, returning the ball easily.

"Just because I caught you looking at him today. And I know it wasn't just any kind of look. I think he likes you too."

"Yo-h-what?" Caught off-guard, the ball hit Graham in the middle of his chest.

"Come on, you two. We're getting ready to go," Andrew called.

Kevin smiled as he came over and swatted Graham lightly on the chest with his paddle before picking up the ball. "Don't be so surprised. He's just a lot more subtle about it than you are."

Following Kevin and mechanically helping pack things up, Graham's mind began searching for any clues to either the contrary or the agreement of Kevin's statement.

 

Xander sighed as he and Andrew entered the apartment in the late evening of Labor Day. "Whoever has Labor Day off, sucks," he stated wearily as he dropped his messenger bag by the door and kicked off his shoes and Andrew did the same after shutting the door. Without looking, Xander sank down onto the couch where Graham had been lounging and reading a book, causing the other man to move his legs quickly and shut the book.

"Did everyone finally get signed up?" Graham asked.

"Yeah," Andrew replied, getting a soda out of the refrigerator. "Most of the paperwork hasn't changed since last school year, which is good, so it was mostly calling around and verifying things. I think that most of the work was just giving the kids a stern talking to and making sure they know that they have to be at school all day, every day, and keep their GPA up in order to do anything with the group."

"Does it work?"

"More than you'd think," Xander said. "When they have the choice - they're willing to do a lot to stay in the group."

Graham's stomach rumbled. "Anyone interested in getting dinner? I'll treat."

"Go ahead," Andrew replied as he headed towards his room. "Todd and I have plans tonight."

Graham quirked an eyebrow at Xander. "Any interest? Or are you too tired?"

"Are you kidding?" Xander asked with a smile. "I could always go for food."

They walked to a Mexican restaurant a couple blocks away, enjoying the warm night air. Graham smiled as he remembered how it had seemed odd at first to have everything close enough to walk to, but soon it had become second nature and now he hardly noticed. He also enjoyed the quiet companionship they shared. With Xander, he didn't feel like he *had* to say anything unless he wanted to. With a lot of the other guys, Riley included, he always felt as though he should say *something*, keep up some sort of conversation.

After they ordered, Xander asked, "So, do you have a girl to write home to?"

Graham shook his head as he took a swig of his beer and then made a face as he replied, "Nah. I was always away, so I didn't want anyone to wait for me. And I never found someone that I wanted to ask to wait." Graham could see that Xander had picked up on his intentionally ambiguous response and the thoughts and questions that passed behind Xander's eyes as a result as Xander bit his lower lip to keep from asking what he really wanted to know and Graham debated whether or not to respond. Heart pounding and committing before he had even really thought it through, Graham took a shaky breath and said, "The answer is yes," and let the breath out as Xander broke into a grin. It was odd how good he felt after such a simple admission. If only it could always be this easy and he could always get such a good response. Taking another shaky breath, he said, "Okay, so the world didn't actually end. This could be a good sign."

"Very good sign," Xander replied, nodding. "And the world didn't end when the Greeks made an all gay regiment, so I think you're safe."

"Yeah, well..." Graham sighed and looked down at the table, while rolling his beer bottle back and forth. "I wish it were that easy."

"One day it will be," Xander replied as their food was placed on the table.

"I wish I had your confidence," Graham said with a small smile as they started eating.

"You'll get there."

When Graham went to bed that night, he felt as though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. It felt unbelievably good to have someone else know about both of the big things in his life and not reject him or look at him as if he were crazy. Even if it was also weird knowing that someone else knew after having kept things bottled up inside for so long. But now what? Having the desk job offered him a much bigger latitude of freedom than being in the field and he knew that as long as he was discreet, Ellis wouldn't care. So what was worrying him so much? Xander rebuffing him? Or Killian's reaction should he find out?

Graham thought about it almost continuously - almost obsessively, even, but could never come up with a reason as to why he was so worried about having told Xander. Even though he hadn't sworn the younger man to secrecy, Graham knew that Xander hadn't told anyone else - primarily because Andrew hadn't said anything. Graham couldn't figure out why he was so antsy about the whole thing and almost proactive in wanting the other shoe to drop.

After that night, Graham and Xander began spending more time together. They were careful to not do anything that would let anyone suspect them of dating, but they stayed up late talking about nothing in particular or watching television or movies. Graham constantly kept a check on his emotions, not wanting to get too close too fast until he was completely certain of what both he and Xander wanted, but he couldn't deny that he was enjoying the closeness and the special bond that they shared.

"Are you okay, son?" Ellis asked one afternoon as he sat on the edge of Graham's desk.

"Yes, sir," Graham replied, looking up at him. "Why do you ask?"

"You've just seemed a little distant the past couple of weeks. No problems in any of your relationships?"

"No, sir. I've just had a few things on my mind lately."

Ellis smiled as he patted Graham on the shoulder. "Don't let them keep you too long."

Graham returned the smile and replied, "I won't."

 

"Any interest in going out with us?" Xander asked the first day of October.

"Maybe," Graham replied, having learned quickly to not agree or disagree until he had heard all the details.

"We're taking the kids out tonight and we'd like another chaperone. One of the gay clubs has an under 21 night the first and last Saturday of every month and we've kind of made a thing of going. There'll be a lot of other adults there, so don't feel like you have to."

"Might be fun," Graham replied, thinking that spending some time outside of the apartment would be good for him, as he got off the couch and put his book down. "But I don't have anything to wear."

"Yes, you do." Xander went into Graham's room with him and started going through his closet. He pulled out a pair of black trousers and a deep maroon button-down short-sleeve shirt. "Put these on," he said as he disappeared out of the room. He reappeared with a pair of black boots as Graham was buttoning the last couple of buttons. He handed them to Graham and said, "Try these." Graham put them on, and while they were a little snug, they weren't tight, and stood for Xander's approval. After doing a little preening, Xander gave him a critical once over and smiled. "You look great. Give me a second." And he disappeared once more.

Graham wandered out into the living room as he waited for Xander to get ready. His breath caught as Xander appeared from his room wearing a similar outfit - except he wore a pair of Doc Martins instead of boots and his shirt was a dark navy/almost midnight blue and the top two buttons were undone. His hair was a bit tousled and slightly curly. In his opinion, the boy had definitely become a man.

"I'd ask if I looked okay, but I think I just got the answer," Xander said with a smile as he crossed over to Graham. "Ready to go?"

"Sure," Graham replied, tearing his gaze away. "But I want to get something to eat first."

"They have food there we can get." Xander got their jackets for them. "We better get going or we're going to be late. I told them we'd be there at 6:30."

Graham looked at the clock. It was 6:25. "Are you ever going to learn?" he asked, knowing that Xander was perpetually a little late.

"Probably not," Xander replied with a smile as they left.

They met Andrew and the kids at one of the community centers before climbing into the vans and heading to the club. It was already crowded by the time they got there, but there were able to find a couple of tall tables to pull together and set down their jackets. Graham instinctively surveyed the room for possible threats, as well as emergency exits, and noticed that most of the people there, staff aside, were close to the kids' age, though there were a few closer to Xander and Andrew's age, who Graham could only guess were also chaperones. He easily settled into one of the tall chairs to take the job of watching over their belongings as everyone else immediately disappeared onto the dance floor. Graham watched them dance with an amused smile on his face. Most of them weren't very good, but they were having fun and that's all that mattered to them. His eyes fell on Xander more often than not and he enjoyed watching him. Even though Xander was a far cry from Gene Kelly or Fred Astaire, he still had a magnetic quality that continually grabbed Graham's attention. During that time, he felt the interested gaze of a few guys lock onto him and it made him feel a little uncomfortable. He had never had someone else actively check him out before and he wasn't sure if he liked it or not.

"Why don't you come join us?" Xander asked after exiting the floor a few songs later and getting a drink.

"I can't dance," Graham replied. And, fishing for another excuse, he added, "And I still haven't eaten anything."

Xander laughed. "You could've gone and gotten something. Our things would've been safe for that long. And it should be apparent that nobody really cares if you can dance or not." Setting his cup down, Xander said, "I'll go get us something to share."

As Xander walked away, Graham followed him with his eyes. He wasn't checking him out, per se, but definitely looking with interest. Xander returned not long after with a plate of chicken strips, fries, and some dipping sauces and also carrying a soda and napkins.

"I wasn't exactly sure which dipping sauces you like, so I got a variety," Xander said as he set the items on the table, setting the soda in front of Graham, and sat down next to Graham to make it easier to talk and eat. As they began picking at the food, Xander asked, "So, what do you look for in a guy?"

"Wow, that's got a kick to it," Graham said, pointing with the pinky finger of his right hand to one of the sauces.

"Yeah, that's the chipotle barbeque."

"I don't know." Graham shrugged. "Good personality, sense of humor, attractive - to me, someone who's willing to be emotionally involved, but also willing to give me my space when I need it and not press things. Normal stuff, I guess. What about you?" 

"Same things, I think. Though it would be nice to have someone that I wouldn't have to lie to about the demons and stuff."

Graham laughed. "Yeah, that would be nice." Eyeing the crowd, he asked, "Do you ever find it weird when other guys check you out?"

"I did at first - especially when I still wasn't completely sure. But now I don't really think about it. It's a lot like when women do it, but now it's more obvious and happens more often. You'll get used to it, I promise. Besides," he said, after swallowing a bite of chicken, "eventually one of them will be the guy you'll want to ask to wait for you."

"Maybe," Graham replied disheartened.

"What is it?" Xander asked, but Graham just shook his head, not really wanting to talk about it right then.

He was thankful when a couple of the kids came up to bug them about getting back on the dance floor. After shooing them off, they finished eating and Xander also went back onto the dance floor after reminding Graham that he had promised to dance with them before the end of the night. An hour or two later, the crowd was starting to thin out and Carrie came over to the table as a slow song started.

"When are you going to come dance?" the brunette asked and Graham shrugged. "You promised."

"I know," he replied. "But I'm not very good."

She laughed. "Like that's stopping any of us. It'll be slow songs from here on, so it'll be easy," she continued, taking his hand and trying to tug him off the chair. "Just two songs, since Andrew wants us to go soon."

"Okay, okay." Knowing he wasn't going to win, he stood and had to smile in response to her grin. "Two songs." The rest of the group grinned when they joined them.

Once on the floor, he took Carrie in his arms in a traditional pose and, even though she stumbled a bit and stepped on his feet a number of times, they both enjoyed his efforts in trying to teach her how to "dance properly" as she called it. At the end of the song, Xander politely butted in and Carrie easily gave up her spot with a smile.

"I'm not that much better," Xander said as the next song started.

"That's fine with me," Graham replied with a smile. "At least you're willing to give it a shot."

"How'd you learn to do this stuff?"

"Some of the girls on base - they thought it would help 'refine' us guys. You're not doing too bad."

"I've watched too many old movies with the girls," he said with a smile. The song ended and Graham finished the dance with a spin. "That was fun. We should do it again sometime."

Graham smiled. "I doubt it."

"Never say never. I bet earlier tonight you didn't think you'd be dancing at a gay bar, now did you?"

This time, Graham laughed. "Very true."

Once they were back at the apartment, Andrew said, "Thanks for coming out with us," before disappearing into his room.

"Yeah," Xander added, clapping Graham on the shoulder. "I had a really good time tonight."

"Me too," Graham was surprised to find he could reply with a high level of honesty.

Xander smiled and withdrew his hand and as they headed for their rooms, Graham couldn't help but think that Xander's touch had lingered for a little longer than necessary and that Xander's smile was just a bit more beautiful.

 

On Monday, the day started off rather well. It appeared that they were actually ahead of the game in many areas and Graham even had phone calls from a couple of their teams to tell them that they were through with their current missions and that reports would be shortly forthcoming.

When Killian returned from lunch that afternoon, Graham was vaguely aware of him approaching Ellis' desk and quietly asking to have a word with him in private. Graham only half listened as he worked on the reports that had come in and Ellis told Killian that whatever needed to be said could be said outright. Graham heard Killian shuffle his feet and glanced up, noticing the tension in the younger man's body.

"Sir, I think we have a situation that may need to be addressed," Killian continued.

"And what situation would that be?" Ellis asked, setting his pen down, folding his hands on top of his papers and giving Killian his full attention.

"I have reason to believe that there are some homosexuals in our division, sir."

"I highly doubt that's any cause for alarm, sergeant, and I fail to see how this matter is of any importance to our mission." Ellis picked his pen back up and began to work again.

"If I may speak frankly, sir," Killian cleared his throat and continued on without waiting for consent, "I think that the possible ramifications of this situation should be taken into consideration seeing as how we're such a new division and I'm sure that the more established divisions who don't see the advantages to what we're doing would be looking for ways to bring us down."

"Then consider your suggestion duly noted," Ellis interjected firmly, "and please get back to work."

Graham looked up in time to see Killian clench his jaw, nod stiffly and return to his desk. While he was relieved that Ellis didn't seem too concerned with what Killian had brought up, the possibility of what might happen still worried him. He knew that if he kept on as he had for the past few years, he wouldn't have anything to worry about. But so many things had changed in the past few months, that Graham wasn't sure if it was possible for him to go back to that any more. He enjoyed the freedom he had found with his non-military friends and the possibility of having something with Xander was, well...tantalizing. As the phone rang yet again, Graham tried to push the incident out of his mind and answered it.

The next evening Graham had his first mentoring session with Carrie. They met at the shelter she frequented and walked to a nearby park.

Sitting on the swings, Graham asked, "How's school?"

"Good," she replied, swaying back and forth and not really looking at him.

"Having any trouble?"

"No."

"Are your teachers nice?" He tried to make eye contact, but without any luck.

"Yeah."

"Are the other students cool?"

"Yeah."

He sighed, somewhat frustrated. "So, there's nothing happening at school that you want to talk about?"

"Nope." She looked at him. "What's with the twenty questions?"

He shrugged. "I'm just trying to be a good mentor. Andrew wasn't very specific."

Carrie giggled. "He usually isn't. I think he figures that letting us forge our own path is better for us than telling us how to run our meetings."

"Does it work?"

"If you're not too pushy, it will be."

"Is that what happened with your last mentor?"

"Yeah. It was either her way or the highway." Carrie looked down at the ground again. "I think she wanted to make sure I didn't make the same mistakes she did."

"Buffy?" Graham asked. In the few months he had become reacquainted with her, he had found that while her heart was in the right place, she could be a bit of a hard-ass.

"How'd you guess?" Carrie asked with a smirk.

"Okay," Graham said, getting down to business. "How about we meet once a week to talk, I can try to help you with your homework, and whatever. How's that sound?"

Carrie nodded. "Sounds good. Same Bat time, same Bat channel?"

"If you want."

"Sure." Carrie stood. "I'll see you, then."

"Good night," Graham replied with a smile before she walked off. He stayed on his swing for a while longer wondering what to do about Killian. He was a nice enough guy and Graham had the feeling that his mention of homosexuality was based more on wanting to test his limits now that they weren't in the training dynamic and had settled into their new place. And in a way, Graham wasn't surprised. He had heard stories from others as he went through boot camp and then Q course of Army brats who, when it came time for them to fulfill their familial duty, chafed their superiors every chance they got, looking for a weakness. Hopefully, Ellis' response would be enough and Killian would have enough sense not to push it.

The next night, Graham had his first mentor meeting with Kevin in the rec room of the shelter Kevin stayed at. As they played a casual game of ping pong, Kevin said, "I heard you're also mentoring Carrie."

"Yeah," Graham replied as he hit the ball back, not exactly sure if that was the response Kevin wanted.

"I think it'll be good for her. From the little she's said, her home life wasn't great before her parents found out she was gay and it went downhill from there. From what Andrew says, she's doing really well, all things considered. Plus, she likes you a lot."

"What about you?"

"I think you're cool." Kevin batted the ball back and forth with his hands before serving it. "So, do you have any grand plans for how we're going to run this?"

"None at all. You?"

"Nope. But it'll be good to have someone to talk to who's older."

"How's that?"

Kevin shrugged. "Things at home aren't so good - obviously or I wouldn't be here, right? And it's nice knowing that there's someone out there I can look up to."

"What about Xander?" Graham pointed out.

"Besides him," Kevin smiled, "because, you know, I thought he was a given. And I meant as a couple. If you two get together, that is. Sorry. Sometimes my mouth goes quicker than my brain."

"It's completely all right. So, you think we'll be getting together, do you?"

"Well, I think you two would make a good-looking couple." Graham could tell Kevin was getting nervous by being put on the spot, but didn't make a move to save him. "And, well...um...I think you two seem to get each other in a way no one else does."

"What makes you say that?"

"I don't know." Kevin shrugged. "It's just a vibe or something. It's just one of those things that you know when you see it."

Graham nodded and decided not to press it - for now - as he hit the ball back to Kevin.

 

"Graham?" Andrew asked a few days later as he stuck his head out his bedroom door. "Can I see you a minute?"

"Oooh, you're in trouble now," Xander said with a smile as he handed Graham another plate. "Go on, I can finish up."

Graham quickly dried the plate and his hands before putting away the plate and the towel on the counter before heading to Andrew's room. "Everything okay?" he asked, hovering in the doorway, not sure what to make of Andrew's request.

"Yeah. Come on in and shut the door." Andrew continued organizing some papers on his desk as Graham did so. "Take a seat," he said, motioning to his bed. Once Graham had settled on Andrew's bed, which looked to be mostly made - though quite rumpled, and Andrew sat down on his desk chair, Andrew asked, "How's work?"

Graham shrugged and leaned back on his hands. "Okay." At Andrew's questioning look, he added, "Killian's being a bit of a pretentious asshole, but otherwise things are good."

"How so?"

"I think he suspects that I'm gay, but I'm not completely sure, or how he even started thinking that. He started making noises to Ellis on Monday about needing to get the 'homosexuals' out of our division before others outside find out and even though he hasn't said anything in front of me since then, somehow I don't think he's going to give up that easily."

"Do you think Ellis takes him seriously?"

"No." Graham creased his forehead and rubbed the back of his thumb against it, trying to figure out what Andrew was getting at and wondering why he didn't seem surprised that Graham had just outed himself. "What's with the twenty questions? And why don't you seem surprised that I'm gay?"

"You've seemed a bit unhappy this past week and I was worried about you. And I don't seem surprised because I'm not. I have a very good gaydar. I've known since the party." There was a slight pause and Graham felt the weight of Andrew studying him. "I may not have my degree yet, but I am trained as a counselor and my door's always open. So feel free to come talk to me about anything. I just want you to be happy, Graham, and I know that being gay and in the military isn't the easiest thing in the world."

"Thanks." Graham stood.

"Before you go, take this." Andrew handed Graham a book from a pile on his desk. "I don't know if it'll help or anything, but sometimes knowing where you're coming from will help you know where you're going."

Graham looked at the title - Coming Out Under Fire: The History of Gay Men and Women in World War Two. "Interesting," he commented, not exactly impressed.

"At least give it a chance, will you?" Andrew also stood and opened the door. "I haven't read all of it, but so far it's really good. Might help you with whatever Killian ends up throwing your way."

"Okay, okay. I'll give it a try." Holding up the book, Graham said, "Thanks," and exited.

 

October passed. The trees lost the remainder of their leaves and Graham found himself helping chaperone more shopping trips - this time for winter clothing. The definite seasons and the certainty of snow were probably the only two things he had ever really missed from his childhood in Chicago. He also began reading the book that Andrew had given him and soon found himself engrossed in it.

Killian continued in his persistence that Ellis should make it a point to excise any homosexuals that were in their command, to reduce the risk of censure from the other commands until they had proven themselves to be a valuable part of the Armed Forces. And each time Ellis shot him down, which made Graham wonder if Killian had some sort of later-in-life cognitive defect – or was a robot that got stuck on one track of its program. Numerous times during work, Graham felt himself being watched by Killian, as though he was being studied – like Killian wasn't sure what to make of him. On Friday night after three weeks of intermittent badgering from Killian, Ellis asked him point blank why he felt compelled to invoke a witch hunt for something that was not a problem. Killian sputtered, clearly surprised that the subject was actually being given some level of consideration, before replying that, based on what he had learned from his own research and from what he had experienced on patrols, they needed to have a strong force to fight their particular enemy and that having gay soldiers in their ranks would undermine the soldiers' morale and break the cohesion the squads needed in the field. Graham was confused, and feeling not a little hurt and possibly betrayed, at Ellis' silent dismissal once Killian was finished talking.

But things weren't completely bleak. Aside from doing things with the kids and mentoring Carrie and Kevin (which Graham found to be very enjoyable and could tell that they were getting a lot out of the personal attention), he and Xander began to become more exclusive. It started out in very easy and subtle ways – including going out for a bite to eat after a patrol, talking late into the night on a more regular basis, making sure they were paired up for various activities. And even though neither dared call what they were starting by its real name, both seemed to acknowledge that they were becoming a couple.

One such night, Graham had been up late reading again, absorbed in the plight of gays and lesbians during the Second World War.

Xander plopped down on the couch, causing Graham to draw his legs closer and close his book. "Enjoying yourself?" he asked.

"I am," Graham replied. "This book is more interesting than I thought it would be and it makes me feel really bad for taking for granted the fact that I have more freedom than they did."

"Maybe, maybe not," Xander replied before popping another peanut M&M in his mouth. "From what Andrew's said, even though they had to be careful, they were able to go out to clubs, date, put on drag shows, and some of them were even pretty out. Sure, you went to a gay club, but because of what happened here," he tapped the cover of the book, "you're watching your back all the time. Even though they had to watch their backs, I'd say things were better for them."

Graham nodded. "There's this one passage in here about what researches called 'well-adjusted homosexuals' and how they were great soldiers who happened to be gay and I feel like saying, 'Well, duh. Most of us *are* great soldiers'."

"I'd agree with that, and I think many straight people would agree – especially the ones that have fought with the gays, whether they knew it or not."

Graham nodded. "Things will get easier one of these days, they have to."

"They *will*."

There was a lull in the conversation and Graham felt the connection between the two of them more profoundly than ever before and before he knew it, they were both slowly leaning in and their lips were gently touching. While it was short and chaste, the kiss was incredibly sweet - both from the chocolate Xander had just eaten and also because of the promises it held for the future.

When Xander pulled away, they both smiled shyly. "How was that?" Graham asked.

"Great," Xander replied. "You?"

"Great."

"You okay with it?"

Graham smiled. "Yeah, I am."

"Good."

 

"Come on, we're going to be late!" Xander called from the living room.

"We already are late," Graham replied as he came out of his room, buckling his utility belt. "So, has Cinderella finished applying her make-up yet?"

"I certainly hope so or we're -" Xander stopped and looked at Graham wide-eyed. "What did you just say?"

"I asked if Andrew was ready yet," Graham replied, bewildered and not realizing how he had phrased the question.

"I know what you asked. It was just the way you said it. I think you're spending too much time around Andrew and he's rotting your brain."

"I wouldn't be surprised. Are you coming, Andrew?" he called. "The ball's going to be over before we even get there at this rate."

"I'm coming, I'm coming," Andrew replied as he appeared in his doorway. "How do I look?"

"More convincing than most of the Star Trek geeks I've seen," Xander responded as they saw Andrew was dressed as Spock.

As they left, Graham commented to Xander, "The parrot's a nice touch."

"Thanks," Xander replied. "The whole pirate thing might be clichéd for me now, but it's the easiest thing with the eye patch."

"Well, you could always go as Major Bludd from 'G.I. Joe'."

"Maybe next year."

"Ooh," Andrew said with a grin. "Then that way you two could go as a matching couple."

The costume/Halloween party at the club had a good turn out, though Graham inwardly groaned when they arrived and he saw how many of the guys were dressed up as soldiers or sailors. He had done so, but only because he actually *had* the clothing and figured it was easier than actually trying to put together a costume. It did make him feel better knowing that he was the only one whose outfit was perfect and throughout the night he got compliments on how authentic his outfit looked.

"Are these real?" Carrie asked as she studied his dog tags when they were taking a break.

"They are," Graham replied, taking a sip of his soda.

"Cool." She grinned and handed them to Kevin.

Graham actually danced a few times that evening and enjoyed himself a lot. During the final song, he managed to finally get a hold of Xander for a dance, at the end of which he impulsively kissed him.

November came and fall continued its progression toward winter. Killian seemed to back off some from his self-imposed witch hunt. But not much. Graham could tell that his insistency was beginning to wear even Ellis' patience - which usually equaled Mt. Everest in height.

One evening, mid-November, when Graham got home from work, Xander asked, "I was thinking of cooking dinner tonight – any interest?"

"Sure," Graham replied, heading towards his room. "Let me go change." When he reappeared a few minutes later pulling a sweater over his head, he asked, "Where were you thinking?"

Xander shrugged. "We've got some chicken and some leftover spaghetti and sauce from the other day."

"Sounds good. Mind if I help?"

"Not at all."

They easily moved around in the kitchen and around each other as they prepared dinner. Graham enjoyed the simplicity of what they were doing and how they didn't need to go out and do something to enjoy themselves. As they ate, they talked about their respective day before moving on to other topics and Graham, for the first time, could say that he was truly content.

After they finished and cleaned up, Graham settled on the couch to try to finish the book Andrew had lent him and Xander, true to form, came over a little later and sat down close enough to make Graham lift his feet. Once they were settled, with Graham's feet in Xander's lap, Xander turned on the TV and began absently massaging Graham's feet. Graham smiled behind his book. Life was good.

On the Monday evening before Thanksgiving, there was a knock at the door and Andrew went to get it. Xander came out of his bedroom and Graham looked over from where he was making a snack to see who their visitor was. When Ellis entered, Graham quickly glanced at where he had left the book Andrew had lent him on the coffee table, not sure if he should hide it, leave it where it was, try to get one of the guys to get it and put it away, or what.

After greeting all of them and Xander disappearing back into his bedroom, Ellis said, "I was hoping to speak with you, Graham."

"Not a problem," Graham replied. "Can I offer you something?"

"No thanks." Ellis went over to the sitting area and picked up the book. Flipping through it, he commented, "This seems interesting."

"It is," Andrew interjected, as he followed Graham over after getting a soda out of the refrigerator. "I work with gay youth and find it helpful to know about the gay contribution to history."

Graham inwardly sighed in relief as Ellis nodded as he continued to look through it and asked, "May I borrow this sometime?"

Andrew glanced at Graham, who gave a quick nod, and replied, "Sure."

Ellis looked up and gave Andrew a small smile. "Thanks. I have a feeling this will come in handy in the near future."

Andrew made a quick exit and Graham offered Ellis a seat before sitting himself. "What did you want to talk about?" he asked, his sandwich forgotten on the coffee table.

"Killian," Ellis said, situating the book on his lap. "I had hoped that by not paying too much attention to his antics, he would stop, but that doesn't seem to be the case and I was hoping that we could figure out a way to nip it in the bud once and for all, seeing as how it's starting to get out of hand."

"Honestly, I have no idea, sir. I've never actually had to deal with a situation quite like this before. But I would have thought that your repeated commands to let it go would have had some effect."

"So did I. Do you think something like this book would help?"

"It might, sir. I know it's been a real eye-opener for me. And maybe he could help Andrew some. Those kids are something else and I think that spending some time with gays would be good for him."

"Both sound good." Ellis stood. "Anyway, think about it some more and maybe ask your friend and see if he has any ideas. Hopefully, this book will help as well." Graham walked him to the door. "I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"G'night, sir," Graham said before shutting the door behind him, thinking that that was probably one of the weirder conversations he'd ever had.

The next night, Xander cornered Graham as he was finishing up his dinner dishes and said, "We need to talk," as Graham wiped his hands off and hung the towel up.

"About what?" Graham asked as he followed Xander into Xander's room and lounged on his side on Xander's bed as Xander closed the door, even though Andrew was out for the night.

Xander went over and sat on the bed. "About us." He sighed and stared at the comforter, his pointer fingers gently tracing designs. "This is tougher than I thought," he finally said, with a weak smile.

Graham took one of Xander's hands in his. "What is it?" he asked gently.

Xander exhaled a deep breath, but didn't look up. "I'll be the first to admit that I'm inexperienced with relationships - hell, my first real one was with a vengeance demon - and especially with gay ones, but I know enough to know that I'm not going to put up with any bullshit. I know that we're not technically together and that you've been going through a lot of stuff since you got here, and I don't envy you that. But for the past few weeks, it seems like we've been moving towards becoming a couple and I'd really like that. I honestly think that you're the one for me and I'm ready to be in it for the long haul, but I'm sensing a lot of hesitancy on your part, which – like I said – I totally understand. But I really don't want to wake up one morning in an empty bed just because you didn't feel like it anymore or because you decided it wasn't for you." He looked up at Graham.

Graham, not sure of what to say – simply opened and shut his mouth a few times, trying to figure out the correct response.

"Just think about it, okay?" Xander asked, his eyes pleading.

Graham simply nodded in response.

 

Before they left the office Wednesday evening for their Thanksgiving holiday, Ellis said to Killian, "Son, I want you do to me a favor. Whatever it is that you're trying to do by pulling this homosexuality witch hunt stunt - sort it out and leave it at home. When you come back next week, I don't want to hear another word about it, you hear?"

"Yes, sir," Killian replied.

"Good. And remember that we're leaving for D.C. a week from Saturday for our review. Go on, then." Once Killian was out the door, Ellis turned to Graham. "Are you sure you don't want to stay with me for the weekend? The family would love to see you."

"Thank you, but no," Graham replied as they locked up, knowing that while Ellis' invitation was genuine, how much his superior prized his time with his family. "I've acquired my own little family here that'll be expecting me tomorrow. But give them my best."

"That I will. Enjoy your time off and try not to worry about the rugrat too much."

Graham smiled. "I won't. Have a good one."

Thursday went well and was the most positive Thanksgiving Graham had ever experienced. After helping prepare and serve Thanksgiving dinner at a one of Andrew's shelters, Graham, Xander, and Andrew met with the rest of the Sunnydale group at the girls' house for their own dinner and a game of football. When Graham went to bed that night, he was tired and just the tiniest bit sore, but he was happy.

The next morning, he was awoken by Xander. "Come on," Xander whispered. "We've got to get going."

"Where?" Graham asked, still mostly asleep.

"Airport. Come on, we don't have much time. Just get dressed - everything else is ready." Xander exited the room.

Graham damned his army training as he staggered out of bed and got dressed. After making a quick detour to use the bathroom and finding his things packed, he met Xander in the living room. Xander handed him a large travel mug of coffee and a bag before saying that he'd explain later. No answers were forthcoming on the ride to the airport, however.

Once they were in the airport, they checked their bags and Xander led Graham through the terminal. As Graham followed him, things were slowly beginning to dawn on him.

"We're taking a flight to Chicago," Graham said as he looked at the sign for their gate. "Xander, why are we taking a flight to Chicago?"

"Because it's easier than driving," Xander replied, slumping into a chair.

"No shit." Graham sat down next to him. "But why are we going to Chicago and what's with all the cloak and dagger?"

"Would you have come with me if I had asked you outright?"

"I don't know. Might depend on what your reason for the excursion is."

"Ellis and I have talked and we think it'd be good for you to go home - even if for a few days."

"Chicago's not my home anymore."

"Maybe not, but Ellis seems to think it's still important to you." The conversation was stopped as it was announced that it was time to board.

Graham spent the whole flight brooding. He didn't want to go back to Chicago. He had no reason to go back to Chicago. He was perfectly fine with having things they were. All he could think when the plane landed was that this trip had better damn well be worth it.

Once they had gotten their bags and rented a car, Graham gave directions to his neighborhood, but didn't say anything else. Soon they were parallel parking along a curb in front of a row of townhouses in a quiet urban neighborhood. Graham got out and stretched before leaning against the passenger side door. Xander got out and joined him.

"That's my old house," Graham said after a few minutes of silence in which he contemplated the building and Xander watched the people who were out on the street.

"This one right here?" Xander asked, meaning the one right in front of them.

"Yeah."

"Then why don't we go in?"

"Can't. My dad died back in May and it was sold. I didn't think I'd ever be back here."

"Graham Miller? Is that you, boy?" a trill female voice called. Both men looked in the direction of the voice and saw an elderly, but still energetic, woman coming out of the townhouse next to Graham's.

Graham grinned and stood up straight. "Mrs. Majuski! I didn't think you'd still be around."

"I’m not going anywhere that easily. Come up here so I can get a good look at you. Your friend too."

As they did as she asked, Graham said, "Mrs. Majuski's lived here for forever and she's like the neighborhood matriarch. She knew everything that was going on."

"Still do," she said. She passed a critical eye over Graham before saying, "The Army seems to be agreeing with you. I always said the world would be a better place if more young men went through the Army," she said to Xander, playfully swatting his stomach with the back of her hand. "And who might you be?"

"Xander Harris, ma'am," Xander replied.

"Xander? What kind of name is that?"

"It's short for Alexander."

She simply nodded. "Well, come on inside before you catch cold." She let them inside and motioned to the chairs in her living room. "Sit, sit." Once they were settled, she asked, "How long will you be here for?"

"Only until Sunday," Graham replied.

"That's nice. When did you two get in?"

"Only about an hour and a half ago."

She nodded and then asked, "What do you do, Alexander?"

"I work for an industrial architect firm."

"Very impressive. You two must stay here while you're here."

"Mrs. Majuski –" Graham started.

"No buts," she said as she stood. "It'll be good to have you here. Excuse me for a moment, I need to check the spaghetti."

"She makes spaghetti every Friday," Graham explained to Xander as she disappeared, "and shares it with anyone who'll stop by. You can't find any better."

Mrs. Majuski came out of the kitchen. "I hate to ask, Graham, but would you be a dear and run down to Tony's for me?"

Graham stood. "Not a problem. Is he still down on the corner?"

She nodded and smiled as she handed him some money. "I only need some more sausage - just get some of whatever he has left, some Italian or French bread - it doesn't matter which, and some of the grated cheese."

Xander had stood as she was giving Graham the list. "Okay," Graham said. "We'll be back soon." After grabbing their coats, they headed out.

"She seems great," Xander commented as they headed down the street.

"She is," Graham concurred. "She really looked after me and the other kids. I don't know where I'd be without her." They walked the rest of the block and a half in comfortable silence. Graham looked around the neighborhood and found it comforting that practically nothing had changed since he had left ten years before.

When they entered Tony's, a butcher's-slash-deli-slash-corner store, a man who looked to be in his mid-to-late fifties appeared from the back. "Will wonders never -" he started as he grinned. "Graham Miller! How *are* you, son?" he asked as he came out from behind the counter to give Graham a huge hug. "Keeping yourself out of trouble?" he asked, leaving an arm across Graham's shoulders.

"Yes, sir," Graham replied with a smile. "Tony, this is Xander Harris, a friend of mine who wanted to see the neighborhood."

"Nice to meet you," Tony said, shaking Xander's hand. "So, what can I do for you boys tonight?" he asked, pulling away from Graham.

"Mrs. Majuski sent me down for a few things. I need some sausage - she said to just give her some of whatever you've got left."

"Okay." Tony moved behind the counter to fill that part of the order and Graham and Xander quickly got the other two items. "Anything else I can get you boys?" he asked as he bagged everything up.

"That's it," Graham said. "What do I owe you?"

"Don't worry about it. Tell Mrs. Majuski this is part of my repayment for what she's done for all of us."

"I will." Graham picked up the bag. "It was good to see you, Tony."

"You too, Graham. Listen, come over tomorrow night for dinner. Lisa will want to see you and Jack's in town this weekend too."

"Okay," Graham replied. "What time?"

"Six. And you're invited too, Xander."

"Thanks," Xander replied with a small smile. After saying good night, they headed back to Mrs. Majuski's.

When they got there, there were a few more people in the kitchen eating spaghetti and Mrs. Majuski introduced everyone. A couple of the guys Graham knew and he had to admit that it was good seeing them again. As the sausage browned, Mrs. Majuski dished out two heaping plates of spaghetti for Xander and Graham. Throughout the evening, the group ate and talked, people came and went, stories were told, and dishes of spaghetti were exchanged for coffee mugs and cookies. Graham found himself laughing, smiling, and enjoying himself more than he thought possible and could tell that Xander was enjoying himself as well.

Later that night after everyone had left and everything had been cleaned up, Mrs. Majuski showed them up to the guest room. "I'm sorry that there's only one bed in there and I hope you two don't mind sharing," she said, "but it's more comfortable than the couch downstairs. The sheets are clean and there are towels in the closet next to the bathroom."

"Thank you, Mrs. Majuski," Graham said. "It'll be fine."

"Good," she said with a smile. "Sleep well, then, and I'll see you in the morning. If you need anything, I'm just down the hall." They both murmured their thanks and she shut the door behind her.

"She's great," Xander said as they both set their bags on the bed and began getting things out to get ready for bed.

"She is," Graham said with a smile. "I think she single-handedly kept two generations of this street in line. And the next one better watch out - I don't think she's planning on going anywhere. Do you want the shower first?"

"Nah, go ahead."

Graham gathered up his things and headed to the bathroom down the hall, grabbing some towels along the way. As he showered, Graham couldn't help but feel as if he was washing away some of the deadweight that he had been carrying with him since he had left the neighborhood. He hadn't wanted to come back, and if he had figured out how to fight against Xander he probably wouldn't have come, but now that he was here, Graham couldn't help but admit that it was the right thing for him to do – come back and put this place to rest in his memory once and for all.

When he got back to the room, Xander was arranging some pillows and one of the blankets on the floor. "What are you doing?" he asked as he put his things back in his bag.

"Getting ready for bed," Xander replied.

"Why don't you sleep on the bed? It'll be more comfortable." Graham could see Xander was wavering between agreeing and holding to a personal decision. "Look, if it's a really big thing for you, then don't worry about it."

"It's not that," Xander said, letting out a breath. "Are you ready for that?"

"Xander," Graham gave him a half stern look. "I think we can handle sleeping in the same bed for two nights. Will it help if I swear that I have no plans to ravish you in the middle of the night?"

"Maybe." Xander smiled as he stood and grabbed his things. "I'll think about it while I'm in the shower."

By the time Xander was done in the shower, Graham had settled himself in the bed on the side closest to the wall and was lightly dozing. "What'd you decide?" he asked as Xander put his things away.

"I think I'll take my chances with being ravished," Xander replied as he slid under the covers after turning the light out. "The floor's a little too cold for my liking."

After they were both settled and a few minutes of quiet, Graham quietly asked, "How'd you know you were gay?"

Graham felt Xander shift on the bed. "It wasn't long after we had moved here and Andrew had started taking classes at Cleveland University and he had to do some sort of mock counseling sessions, so I volunteered to help him out since we live together and that way it would be easier for him and through the course of the questions he had to ask, it kind of came up that I was feeling conflicted and so we talked about it, since Andrew's known for a long time that he's gay and he's obviously more comfortable with it and he's done a lot of research into it. But it was hard coming to grips with it. Especially since at first I thought that it would mean that my feelings for Anya were invalid, when I know that I truly did love her. What about you?"

Graham shrugged, even though he knew Xander couldn't see him. "I think I've always known. Just like I always knew that I had to get away from here and that the Army was the only way I could do it."

"Was it hard growing up and knowing?"

"Well, I didn't *know* know until I went to college, but that whole cliché about feeling different was definitely true. When the other guys talked about the girls they liked, I just didn't really care. But there were times when it was hard - the guys asking questions that I didn't really have any answers to."

They both fell silent after that. And just before Graham fell asleep, he heard a sleepy, "G'night, Graham."

The next morning they both woke at the same time. And even though he didn't say anything, Graham was pretty sure that Xander was relieved that they had woken up on their own sides of the bed and all their clothing was still on. After they got dressed and ready to face the day, they headed downstairs, to be met by Mrs. Majuski cooking breakfast.

"I hope you two are hungry," she said with a smile as she began dishing out the scrambled eggs. "Though, Graham's appetite doesn't seem to have changed much since he left." After loading up their plates with eggs, bacon, sausage, and pancakes, she set them on the table before the two men, who had gotten mugs of coffee. After getting her own plate and sitting down, she said, "It's good to have you back, Graham. And I'm glad you've found happiness."

Graham's eyes shot up, a fork full of pancakes pausing midway to his mouth. He immediately wondered if she had found out.

"You know," she said confidentially, "I never took you for the sissified type, but Alexander seems like a good man. I'm sure he'd make a great catch."

"Well, um, thanks," Graham replied, flustered. A quick glance to Xander provided that either the other man hadn't been paying attention, or was blatantly ignoring their conversation.

"So," she said, "what do you boys have planned today?"

Xander looked up from the newspaper section he had been studying and shrugged. "I'm just along for the ride, really. Graham?"

Graham shrugged as well. "Hadn't really thought that far ahead."

"I think it might be good for you to go visit your father." Graham started to say that he wasn't sure about that, when Mrs. Majuski put a hand up to stop him. "It'll do you good to go see his grave. And he deserves to have his son visit him at least once. He's up at St. Joseph's cemetery. And make sure you take flowers. There's a stand for them on his grave."

Knowing that there was no way he'd be able to get out of it, Graham set to finishing his breakfast, seeing Xander chuckling noiselessly at him out of the corner of his eye.

After they finished and helped clean up, Mrs. Majuski gave them directions to his father's grave, though Graham had a vague memory of where it was, since his father had taken him to the cemetery when he was little to visit his grandparents. Then she shooed them out of the house.

Once they were at the grave, Graham crouched, took the flowers from their wrapping and arranged them as best he could in the small stand that stood above his father's plaque, before pouring in a bit of the bottle of water Xander had picked up as well. Then he cleared away the leaves and extra grass from on top of the plaque. Afterwards, he stayed down and studied it, gently tracing the factory union's emblem.

"He'd been sick," he said quietly, wrapping his arms around his knees. "He never told me with what, though, but I think it had something to do with working at the factory his whole life. He was a good guy. Distant, but he meant well. I don't think he'd ever planned on being a father, but after my mom pulled the whole 'I'm going out for a fill-in-the-blank' and never coming back, he did the best he could."

"How old where you?" Xander asked, crouching down next to him.

"Maybe two or three? I'm not really sure. I don't remember my mom, so I must've been little and my dad didn't really talk about her." Graham could feel the tears stinging his eyes and sniffed. "I wasn't here for him," Graham sniffed again and felt the tears begin to fall, powerless to stop them, "and I never got a chance to tell him that I appreciated what he did for me and that I knew he did his best and that I loved him." Graham felt Xander's arms wrap around him and hold him tight, one hand gently stroking his hair, as he cried. Once he was done, he wiped his eyes. "Thanks," he said.

"Not a problem," Xander replied with a comforting smile and gently rubbed Graham's back. "I'm sure he knows and I bet he's proud of you."

That evening, they went down to Tony's for dinner and Graham wasn't surprised that aside from Tony's whole family being there, so was most of the neighborhood. After that morning's release, Graham felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and he enjoyed himself even more fully than he had the night before.

Sunday morning came and the two men got ready to go home. After being fed another hearty breakfast and getting an almost tearful good-bye from Mrs. Majuski, who extracted a promise from Graham to keep in touch, they were on their way to the airport.

"See? That wasn't so bad," Xander said, once they were settled on the plane.

"Thanks," was all Graham said and by the way Xander smiled at him, he had a feeling that Xander knew what he was talking about.

When he returned to work on Monday, Graham couldn't help but notice that Killian's demeanor had changed. While he still studied Graham with a hawk's eye, his gaze seemed to be more thoughtful and speculative, like he was trying to put some pieces together that didn't quite fit. Graham wanted to ask him what was going on, but thought better of it. Ellis also didn't make an issue of it, though Graham could sense that Ellis was relieved at Killian's change in attitude. On Wednesday, the book showed up on Killian's desk with some marked pages. Graham caught Killian reading it on his lunch break and saw that whatever had been marked had only served to deepen his thoughtfulness.

After they had settled into their booth on Friday and ordered, Ellis asked, "So, how were your vacations last week?"

"Good," Graham replied. "A few of us went to one of the shelters in the morning and helped prepare and serve a Thanksgiving dinner before having one of our own. Then I went back to Chicago for a few days to visit."

"How was that?"

"It turned out to be really good. I'm glad I went."

Ellis nodded and smiled. "I'm glad you went too." After taking a sip of his beer, he said, "I went home as well – which, for me, is Cincinnati. It was good to see my parents and siblings and their kids, and even my ex-wife. We did the traditional feast on Thursday followed by football and then I was able to relax the rest of the weekend and visit with family."

Killian sighed and seemed to be collecting his thoughts as their food was set before them and the three set about preparing to eat. When he was ready, Killian started by saying, "I just want to apologize for what I've put you both through the past few months. I was way out of line and I know that I should have been reprimanded numerous times for what I've been doing." Graham tried to not laugh at Ellis' snort of agreement. "So, thank you for your leniency and patience and I promise that in the future I will be a much better soldier."

"And you better believe we're going to hold you to that, son," Ellis replied with an amused smile.

Killian smiled and looked down at his food. "Thursday's not much to speak of – we ate and watched football, the traditional Thanksgiving." He shrugged indifferently. "Friday – I spent the day with my brothers and sister before they had to go back to their posts.

"Saturday night I went out for some drinks with my grandfather, my dad, and some of my dad's Army buddies to a bar down the street from where we live – which isn't anything new since I turned 21. Even though I've grown up around these guys, I still felt out of place because they have a shared bond that I'm not a part of. But it was fun listening to them share war stories and my grandfather even pitched in from time to time." He smiled wistfully as he toyed with a french fry. "And, as it usually does with these guys, the topic turned to gays in the military and how they shouldn't be allowed, that they're bad soldiers, things like that. After a few minutes, my grandfather excused himself and left. I went after him, suddenly feeling very much like the odd man out, plus I was worried that something was wrong with him. Once I caught up to him, I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he simply couldn't listen to their talk any more and that it was disrespectful of those who had served. He also told me that he was sorry for having let me listen to that for my whole life. Then, and I'll never forget this, he looked at me and said, 'Cai, let me tell you a story.

"'Back in 1943, some of the guys from my town and I signed up for the Army and were sent away to boot camp like almost every young man in the country. As it happened, one of my bunkmates was a quiet fellow from a few towns over. Shy, but really knew his stuff and was a crack shot. At the end of our training, we were given the unexpected surprise of having leave for the weekend. It was crazy that Friday evening when our train pulled into the main station for the area with all of the wives, girlfriends, families, parents, friends – you name it, they were there – crowding the station to welcome the troops home. It took a while for me to find your grandmother in the crowd and by the time we had greeted each other and gotten my things to the car, the place was practically empty. The only other person left was the shy kid. I asked him if he needed a ride, and he said that someone was coming to pick him up and thanked me for the offer. I helped your grandmother into the car and then went over to the driver's side of the car and after I had opened the door and leaned in to start the ignition, I got out and turned to call out and make sure that he didn't want a ride.

"'Just as I was about to do so, a young man in civvies stepped out of the shadows and into the pool of light cast by the streetlamp and the two of them, thinking themselves alone, embraced tightly and kissed tenderly before grabbing the soldier's bags and heading on their way. When we got back, neither of us said anything about it, but I made it a point to befriend him and we became best friends. And that's how I became best friends with Uncle Frank.' 'Uncle Frank?' I had replied, stunned to find that my grandfather's closest friend was gay. He had been a presence throughout my father's life, as well as mine and my siblings'. I had never met his partner – I think he died of cancer when I was little, but my grandparents always spoke fondly of him. And Uncle Frank was always the greatest guy." Killian went quiet, as if thinking over what to say next, before continuing, "I'm sorry. I let my father's prejudices cloud my judgment and I won't do it again."

Graham was surprised by Killian's story and didn't know how to respond, and was therefore happy and relieved when Ellis thanked Killian and moved the conversation onto another topic.

 

The next day Graham spent getting ready to go to D.C. He wasn't looking forward to the review, but he knew that it was a necessary evil. At least he would get some personal time to explore the city and Riley and the other guys from the squad would also be there. If only....

Graham clamped down on that train of thought. He knew that if things were different, Xander would be there with him, but they weren't so he'd have to deal. Graham had spent a lot of time thinking since he and Xander had left Chicago and Graham now knew without a doubt that Xander was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, the one he wanted to ask to wait for him. Now he just needed to find the right situation to do it.

That afternoon, Xander and Graham made a late lunch which Graham enjoyed both for the time spent with Xander and with the tantalizing glimpse that it afforded, if he could get up the nerve to ask Xander for, and if Xander was willing to give him, another chance. As they ate, Andrew rushed through grabbing things and called good-bye to Graham. When they had finished cleaning up, Graham glanced at his watch and saw that he was running slightly late.

"Shit!" he exclaimed as he ran to get his bags and coat.

Xander followed him to the door. "Call me when you get in, okay?" he asked as he opened the door.

"I promise," Graham replied absently as he checked his pockets for everything. In his left pants pocket, he felt an odd convolution of metal and pulled it out to reveal his dog tags. Without thinking, he pressed them into Xander's hand and asked, "Keep these safe for me?" before giving him a quick and desperate kiss and disappearing out the door. It wasn't until he was halfway to the airport that he realized what he'd done. And, in a way, it felt like that was the best way it could've gone.

The flight was quiet. Killian had immersed himself in a book as soon as they got on the plane and, as soon as they were in the air, Ellis had pulled out a portable DVD player. Graham stared out the window and let his thoughts tumble around and sort themselves out. So many things had happened in the past six months that he was surprised when confronted by them. He had become second-in-command of a new COM that was showing results. He had weathered Killian's faux witch hunt, if it could even be called that, intact. He had also, with help, come out more fully to those around him outside of work and had found friends among Andrew and Xander's circle that loved deeper and more openly than he had been accustomed to in a long time. That alone gave him a strength he didn't know he had in facing his own inner demons.

And then there was Xander. A smile graced Graham's lips. It still surprised him that he had found someone who so completely and perfectly fit the bill of who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He knew that the two of them would need to have a long talk when he got back and that it wasn't going to be easy for him, since he had been so guarded for so long, but he knew for certain that he was ready to make the commitment.

"Hey, no sleeping with your eyes open," a voice said.

"Hmmm?" Graham asked, turning to the voice and seeing that people were gathering their things and getting off the plane. Ellis smiled and thrust Graham's bag at him.

When they got to the hotel, the rest of the original squad was already waiting for them in the lobby. They greeted each other warmly, though Killian hung back.

"Have you all eaten?" Ellis asked after he, Graham, and Killian had deposited their bags in their room.

"Sir, you know what our appetites to be," Riley replied with a smile.

"Good, because the three of us are famished."

As they walked a few blocks to a bar Ellis knew, Graham brought up the rear and called Xander. "Hey," he said when Xander answered. "You didn't have to wait around for me to call," he teased.

"I wasn't," Graham could hear the smile in his voice. "Just because you asked me to wait doesn't mean I'm going to literally do it. We're having a movie night here."

"I just wanted to let you know that the flight went okay, we got checked into the hotel, and now we're going to find something to eat."

"Good. Have fun and I'll see you in a few days."

"Okay. And you can call me if you want. It's not like they'll be monitoring my cellphone or anything," Graham replied with a chuckle.

"I might just take you up on that. I'll see you later."

"Bye."

"Who was that?" Riley asked as Graham closed his phone.

"Did Miller finally get a girlfriend?" Nelson asked, turning around and walking backwards.

"It's none of your damn business," Graham replied with a smile.

"I think he does! C'mon, Miller! Give us some details! What's her name?"

"Alex." Graham saw Riley's eyes go wide.

"Our Alex?" Riley asked. Graham couldn't help but nod, not sure what to do now that he had unintentionally outed himself to Riley and he didn't want to dig himself deeper into the ruse of having a girlfriend.

"So, is she pretty?" Nelson asked and Graham knew that the others were listening, even if they weren't looking at them as they entered the bar.

"Alex isn't your type of pretty, if that's what you're asking," Riley replied. "Alex's beauty is one of a kind."

"You could say that again," Graham replied with a chuckle and Riley also laughed.

"So, how did you two meet?" Reynolds asked after they had been seated.

"We met at UC Sunnydale - mutual interests and mutual friends. Then we happened to bump into each other when Ellis, Killian, and I were setting up in Cleveland."

Cutting in, Ellis said, "Pick something before the kitchen closes. You don't eat now, you don't eat until breakfast." There was a mumble of "Yes, sir" as the men began to study their menus.

Back at the hotel, Riley stopped Graham outside of their rooms. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm really happy for you," he said quietly. "From what Buffy's told me - when I hear from her, he's turned out really well."

Graham nodded, relieved beyond belief that Riley was okay with it. "You'd be surprised. And you have no idea how much what you did means to me."

"You're welcome." Riley hugged Graham. "Sleep well."

"You too."

The next day, the group was assembled in the lobby and ready to go by 10 am. Before they headed out, Ellis addressed them and said, "I know very well that our review doesn't start until tomorrow and that we could have come in today, but I thought it would be better for all of us if we met a day early and spent some time together, since we've been scattered to the winds these past six months. I also thought it would be beneficial for Killian, who has only had mine and Graham's gorgeous mugs to look at for that period, to get to know the squad leaders better, since we all plan to be around for a long time. That being said," he handed out small rectangles of paper. "These are your Metro passes for the day. Do not lose them or you will have to walk home. Now, where do we go first?"

All the men except Killian and Ellis looked at each other, smiled, and said, "Museum of Natural History!"

"It appears that we have a majority vote. Move out."

Graham enjoyed the day, knowing deep down that he had Xander and Andrew to thank for that. As they toured the different Smithsonian museums, he felt more at liberty to joke and simply be himself than he had in a long time. And, during the relatively few times when one of the other guys would make a joke about gays, he was surprised to find how quickly Riley was to jump in and take them to task and even more surprised that Killian did it a couple times as well, and each time it was followed by a reprimand by Ellis. By the end of the day, the men seem duly chastened.

That night they went back to Bullfeathers for dinner and drinks. After they had eaten, Riley pulled Graham aside to the bar. "I need some advice," he said. "It's been tough the past few months with my squad being in Europe and Sam being with the Peace Corp down in Africa. With the distance and not having the constant danger, the communication from both sides is getting fewer and farther between. What do you think I should do?"

"Do you still love her?" Graham asked.

"After a fashion. But am I *in* love with her? No."

"How does she feel?"

"The same, as far as I can tell."

"Then I think you know what you need to do." Graham squeezed Riley's shoulder. "I'm sorry, man." His cellphone started to ring, cutting off any further conversation for the moment. Graham stared at the display, which read 'Home' and it hit him how true just that one word now was for him and the place that it was linked to. Riley smiled and clapped Graham on the shoulder before sliding off of the barstool and taking out his own cellphone. Graham flipped open the cellphone and said, "Hello?" not wanting to assume that it was Xander, even if it probably was.

"Hey," Xander replied.

"Hey," Graham repeated, his voice automatically softening. "How are you?"

"Okay. I wasn't going to call you, but I couldn't help myself. It's different without you around, and you've only been gone about a day."

"I know what you mean. I wish you could be here with me. Maybe one of these days we can take our own trip?"

"Sounds like a plan. Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and tell you I miss you."

Killian sat down in Riley's empty chair as Graham said, "I miss you too. I'll call you on Wednesday before we leave, okay?"

"Okay. Good night."

"Good night." Graham snapped the phone shut. "What can I do for you, Cai?"

"I just wanted to apologize again for what I put you through," he said. "I feel really bad now, knowing how hard it must be for you - like last night."

"After a while you get used to it."

"But you shouldn't have to. I saw how you got when you answered the phone - you shouldn't have to worry about that. I don't see why you and Uncle Frank and all the others should be penalized for something that's celebrated if I, Ellis, or any of the other guys do it."

"Welcome to the real world, kid." Graham finished off his beer. "If it helps you any, I forgive you."

 

The next morning, Ellis had everyone in dress uniform and lined up outside their rooms at 8 am. After making a few minor adjustments, they all went down to breakfast before heading out for their review. Graham was surprised at how thorough the review board was - asking details about the most minor and trivial things, though he guessed that it was more because they weren't used to dealing with demons than because they were being hard-asses. Graham was relieved as they neared the closing of Tuesday, glad to have it over with and happy that they seemed to pass muster.

"And one more thing, LTC Ellis," the General in charge said as they closed files and shuffled papers. "You and your men are familiar with Regulations 635 through 689 and their attendant changes, are you not?"

"Yes, we are, sir," Ellis responded. "And that matter has been resolved."

"Good, then I hope I never see another mention of it in the records. This review board finds you have satisfactorily met, if not exceeded, the requirements set forth at the beginning of your trial. You are free to go."

The next morning, the men roused early and donned their dress uniforms again on Ellis' orders. Before they left the hotel, Ellis pinned a green carnation to each soldier's lapel.

"We are going to the WW II Memorial for the playing of Taps," Ellis said. "After that, you will have time to visit another monument if you wish before we leave."

The walk over had a sombre tone to it and Graham couldn't help but think of the flash and crest adorned his COM's berets. On a patch of mottled green and brown, there were two crossed arrows to signify peace, an unsheathed dagger to represent military preparedness and the Berets' motto, "De Oppresso Libre" - "To Free the Oppressed". It wasn't until now that he realized that not only did it have a professional significance for him, but it also had a personal one.

They marched from the Metro station to the WW II Memorial in silence, gathering respectful stares from early morning tourists and people heading to work along the way. Once there, they lined up at the edge of the memorial and went to parade ready. When the ceremony started, they snapped to attention and saluted, holding the position until the ceremony was finished. Then they dispersed, as some went to other memorials. Graham slowly wandered around the WW II memorial, looking at the inscriptions, and feeling the quiet power of the place. Before they left, he murmured a quiet, "Thank you."

After changing and checking out of the hotel, the group was on its way to the airport, ready to once more split up and go their separate ways. As the plane bound for Cleveland took off, Graham was looking forward to going home for the first time.


End file.
